Mom Plans Vegan Birthday Party For Her Allergic Baby But Her Husband Doesn’t Want ‘Only Vegan Food’

You’d think that on a child’s birthday, they would be able to enjoy their birthday cake. But one mother of a child with allergies is having a difficult time trying to convince her husband to make the party vegan so their kid can eat. He apparently cares more about his side of the family being able to eat “regular” food than his child being able to enjoy her own party.

The mom asked Reddit if she was at fault for creating a party spread that would be safe for her child who is allergic to dairy and eggs.

“So first a little background. I found out at a very young age (~3 months) that my youngest is allergic to dairy and eggs. After a bunch of testing it was determined that she can’t have dairy or eggs in any form, not even cooked/baked. On to the issue.”

“Her first birthday is next weekend. From the get go I wanted her birthday to be completely safe for her. As in, all food, drink, desserts, etc will be egg and dairy free. We have spent so much time figuring out what she was allergic to and avoiding it, I wanted to have one day where we do not have to monitor everything she ate. And of course being a baby, she tends to grab for anything she wants, so having no allergens at all means I don’t have to worry if one of our other children (6f, 3m) leaves their food in her reach,” the OP said.

“This is becoming a problem now because my husband doesn’t want to have ‘only vegan food’ because he says him and his side of the family won’t eat it. I wasn’t planning on anything too out there. My mom volunteered to make her homemade veggie soup, and I was going to make a chocolate cake and frosting. The only difference between normal cake and frosting and the one I’m making is apple sauce instead of eggs and oat milk instead of cows milk.”

“My nephews on my husbands side won’t eat the soup at all I guess, and neither will their parents. The boys I think would have liked the cake, but as soon as my in-laws discovered it was ‘vegan’ they said they won’t eat vegan food, and neither will their kids. My husband wants to just do pizza and ‘normal’ cake because it’s what they like. I don’t understand the point of having a birthday meal that the birthday kid can’t even eat. I didn’t think it was too much to ask to have one day that is catered to my daughter, when she’s going to have to spend the rest of her life working around everyone else. AITA?”

It seems pretty upsetting that a father wouldn’t want what was best for his child. What do Redditors think the OP should do?

“This is ridiculous, and it sounds like your husband hasn’t accepted his child for who and what she is. It’s HER birthday. What a child your husband is. NTA. Edited after reading more comments: I’m not saying to leave him, but please have a backup plan to protect yourself and your children. He’s an absentee parent and partner. Have a separate bank account, just to be safe,” said reginageorgeeee.

“NTA. Everything sounds delicious. Your husband and his family are just being ignorant and judging a meal already without trying it. My husband is vegan, all year long for family events I bring along his food to make sure he has options. On his birthday, he chooses a vegan restaurant and I tell my relatives who complain about this to suck it up because it’s the only day out of the year when he chooses the restaurant of his like. I think what you’re doing for your daughter is very thoughtful. Also, it saves you a lot of stress during the party,” noted lilamoi.

“NTA – Your hubby and in-laws will survive one day of “non traditional” cake and food. If they can’t they should stay away. They are incredibly selfish and your husband should be ashamed of not protecting and prioritizing his kid, above his and his in-laws’ needs,” said Bubamara88.

“He’s not involved enough to even grasp the issue! He only sees the consequences HE has from it. (Him not having the cake he wants for 1 day a year) He has NO clue or compassion what OP and her daughter have to deal with. Does he even take it seriously enough? Does he get the worry OP has for her daughters health? Does he get how heavily the (probably sole) responsibility weighs on OP? (I mean, I have no clue, how do you detect that at such an early age? Isn’t it breastmilk or formula only at that age? Does formula have eggs or dairy?? Can it get into the breastmilk?? See…no clue) I can only imagine it must be damn serious to be detected. OP could have wanted the whole family to adjust to a couple days a week without eggs and dairy, and I could understand. The girl deserves a safe place. She’ll have to manage everywhere else already. But OP only asks for 1 day a year, and her husband just can’t cope with it?” asked alyom.

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Patricia Grisafi

Patricia Grisafi, PhD, is a freelance writer and educator. Her work has appeared in Salon, Vice, Bitch, Bustle, Broadly, The Establishment, and elsewhere. She is passionate about pit bull rescue, cursed objects, and designer sunglasses.