Parents Share The Unbelievable Stuff They Have To Tell Their Toddlers (20 Stories)

The other day, I found myself telling my toddler that my husband’s earplugs were not in fact “yummy” (he insisted they were while laughing uproariously) and that he should not put them in his mouth. And that’s not even the weirdest thing I’ve had to tell my son. Toddlers are really wonderful in that they are so curious and excited to explore their world. But that often means they want to try random stuff that is often not totally safe or just gross.

On Reddit, parents are sharing the most “I can’t believe I’m saying this to my toddler” moments—and please just take a deep breath; we’re all in this together. 

1. 

“We have an almost daily conversation about how it’s not nice to color the cat.” — SmudgeZelda

2. 

“So we were counting down the time on the microwave until her chicken nuggets were done. 3…2…1…END. Not zero. The worst tantrum today was that she wanted to count down to 0 on the microwave, but there is no 0 just END. “No I can’t make the microwave be 0 sweetie.'” — Overthemoon64

3. 

“No, you can’t take the lettuce to bed with you. He was 4 at the time and the head of lettuce was his new best friend.” — MadameBurner

4. 

“‘No mummy doesn’t have a willy and no she did not pull it off,’ the joys of being the only girl in the house and attempting to potty train two little boys.” — handsfull13

5. 

“Why it isn’t nice to lick people…or the dog.” — therealDannyMartin

6. 

“‘We don’t touch people like that’ after my then 2 yr old daughter reached out and caressed the butt of a woman in a tightly packed elevator. I still remember the look on the woman’s face as she spun around and looked at me, and then looked down to see a smiling 2 yr old in her stroller with hand still outstretched.” — shamirk

7. 

“’No, kitty does not want to smell your fart! Get your butthole out of her face!’ And also, ‘No sweety, Mommy doesn’t want to smell your poop, but thanks.'” — Cece75

8. 

“We are naked potty training and I’ve literally lost count of the number of things my son has tried to smoosh into his foreskin. M&Ms? Check. LEGO fig head? Check. Grape? Check. So my vote is for ‘You can NOT PUT THAT IN YOUR PENIS!'” — peoplegrower

9. 

“Stop drinking your bath water.” — umpywigs

10. 

“I had to explain to my 2 year old today that we don’t in fact just wash one hand after using the bathroom. ‘This ones not dirty!’ Followed by a plethora of tears of course.” — landreasen