Parenting is a lot of hard work. Depending on the kind of mom you are and the kind of family situation you have, it can be non-stop, energy-draining labor from sun up until sundown.
But it’s also fun and rewarding.
In order to give her friend a no-holds-barred look into life as a mom, one Redditor invited her to shadow her and see what her days look like.
The result? Now her friend doesn’t want to have a family after all.
“I’ve known Jill since we were in high school. Jill has always dreamed of being a mom. Recently she had asked me if she could come stay with me for a few days to shadow me and “just get an idea of being a mom”. Now, I am a stay at home mom, though I do work from home part time while also going to school full time. Husband is the main breadwinner and is very actively involved in child raising. After talking with husband, we agreed that Jill can come stay with us for and made the room in the house,” the OP writes.
“I’ve always been honest with Jill about being a parent. I’ve never said that it is the greatest thing ever or even made it seem like its all sunshine and rainbows. I have always told her how challenging being a parent can be, especially when the kids, are well kids and act up and don’t listen or bicker between each other or any number of other kid things. But I also share the good. The smiles and the just because hugs and kisses. The random drawings and the snuggles while watching movies.”
The OP and Jill talked about what kind of experience Jill wanted and how she thought things would go. The OP gave Jill a schedule of one of her typical days, to which Jill laughed and said, “how hard can it be, you can do it.”
“So beginning at 6am on the first day, which is when my schedule starts, I woke Jill up and started the day. She complained non stop about how tired she was. How she didn’t feel like doing any of the daily chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry, kids, working, and schooling. She was asleep on the couch by 8pm. I woke her to get her to bed, but other than that let her sleep. Each day it was the same I would wake her up at 6am and she would complain all day long and be asleep by 8pm. My days usually end until 11pm. By day 4 she was crying to me saying she no longer wanted to be a mom or wife and it was all my fault. I tried to explain to her that what my days consist of may not be what hers are like when she’s a mom and wife. It’s not necessarily the same experience for each parent.”
“After she left, I get a call from her fiancé, her mother, sisters and brother all telling me I was an a**hole for ‘forcing her’ to see how challenging being a parent can be. That I ‘ruined’ her life and I was a piece of crap and should have my family taken away from me because that’s what I did to Jill. AITA? Maybe I could have given her a ‘better’ view of parenthood.”
I mean, raising a child is difficult. It’s also very rewarding—probably for a lot of the reasons that Jill wasn’t able to experience: the bonding and the sweetness.
Jill just saw one woman’s experience—and to be honest, the OP sounds like one of those supermoms. Part-time work? Full-time school? Four kids of varying ages? Yikes.
Anyway, what did Redditors think of this experiment? A necessary eye-opener or unnecessarily harsh?
“NTA: Jill specifically asked you to give her a preview of what motherhood is like. You obliged, she didn’t like it. You didn’t force her to do anything, and if anything you most likely saved her a lot of misery in the future. Parenting is not an easy task, and certainly not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m sure her family is just pissed that she’s not gonna jump into the role of mommy,” said Ok2990.
“NTA, she asked to audit your life like it was a college class, which is fuck weird first of all and I would have refused her outright, but she was an inconsiderate guest on top of that. What, was the expectation that you would cancel all day-to-day operations and spend a week just having fun so she would be happy? This is your life, it was not what she assumed it to be and you are not the asshole. You do deserve a vacation tho,” noted Wrong-Construction40.
“People are not given a real understanding of motherhood until it is too late. Just by doing this observership, Jill is smarter than the millions of women and men having kids with the sunshine and rainbows view of parenthood. I don’t think insulting her is fair,” said Els236.
“What a stupid idea!! How is she going to understand parenting from 4 kids at the start?! When people start the journey is parenting it’s with 1 kid!! Unless they have multiple at once. But throwing her with 4 kids and expecting she’ll be okay is not realistic. I think everyone is an asshole. You for letting it happen and her for asking then huffing and puffing when it didn’t work. Shadowing a parent isn’t going to teach you how to be a good parent,” observed usernumber506.
“I’m kind of ESH here. You have 4 kids between 1 and 10….huge difference from my 1 kid who’s a teenager. Jill maybe only wanted 2 kids. Again a huge difference and you should have reminded her that!!! She shouldn’t be so whiny and dramatic. But you could have also had a little grace. It sounds like you run a tight ship and are a little bit Supermommy….which I get cuz you have a lot to juggle but even my friend who’s pregnant with #7 isn’t still working at 11 pm and she sometimes lets messes go. I think the biggest takeaway is that every family is different. Right now you’re smug about your version of parenthood and she’s hurting about her dreams being dashed (again she’s stupid dramatic), but you should talk,” said knintn.
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