Imagine how straight-up unlucky you have to be if your mom decides naming you is the EXACT moment she is going to let her freak flag fly. Why couldn’t she simply get a lower back tattoo of “Yo’Majesty” with angel wings instead of cursing you with it forever? And how come as a society have decided it’s against the rules to name your kid after WWII dictators but we don’t back the line up a little further and intervene when someone is about to be named Queef? And truly, now that we’re evaluating names, let’s really talk about “Garth” as well.
People are sharing the most “horrible and ridiculous” names they’ve ever heard parents choose for their children. Here are some of them whose childhood was an absolute breeze and definitely had no problem finding romantic partners:
1. Three times the name, three times the fun for MMEGrey:
I went to high school with a guy named John John John. Yes, his first name, middle name and last name were all “John”.
2. Both born wearing a jean vest, confirmed by Idonediditdonedidit:
An ex had friends who named their kids Haight and Rayge (hate and rage). Good luck kids.
3. Disney character inspiration from Boxboy7:
I work at a college and often go through the new applications to process them, I’ve seen all kinds.
Most ridiculous name I’ve seen thus far though:
Starscream Anakin as his first and middle names. He has a normal last name. When I first saw it, I was certain that it was a kid fucking with our application system. Then I met him in person, and he showed me his ID.
His name is legally Starscream Anakin. I get the Anakin part, but of all the Transformers to name your kid after, why on Earth make it Starscream? He was just awful.
4. A little stress thinking about 12 kids from MelyssaRave:
My neighbor was the 12th kid. His parents named him Twelver. That’s gotta be the worst I’ve ever seen.
5. Huge fitness inspo from TheSanityInspector:
I once encountered a plump young woman whose name, according to her ID, was Rotunda.
6. A lot of red flags from happykitty05:
When I was pregnant my now exMIL wanted me to name our son “Rock” which is stupid as it is but the last name is Bowler so my son’s name would be Rock Bowler and I couldn’t do that to the poor kid. My ex thought it would be funny to name him Rocky with the middle name Bal so his name would be Rocky Bal Bowler…
7. A whole lot of yee-haw from mrsrariden:
Had a little boy in my program named Rowdy. Eh… kind of rednecky but, whatever.
Then I found out his older brother is named Howdy! WTF?
Found out later that the older boys legal name is Howard. That’s less ridiculous, at least.
8. Ideas to make sure your child moves too quickly in relationships from SilentDoggo:
Baby girl
Yes this was their legal name
9. This person, whom high school was a breeze for from fijiloo:
queeth
10. A reminder that our ancestors are idiots from maggggy:
My mother is a genealogist and discovered that my great great great something grandparents were named Lettuce and Nimrod. A power couple.
Update: I spoke with my mom and she said that her name was Lettice with an i so y’all were right. And it probably wasn’t pronounced “lettuce” like I imagined but rather latitia or something. They were married around the 1840’s! The joys of genealogy!
11. This viable presidential candidate from cdgal38382:
Lihburtee
12. Ways to get quickly denied for scholarships from Nikkus430:
Some friends of mine in high school knew a girl named Cash Money. Met her once and she said her name with some made up accent.
One recently I ran into was Kaideynse.
13. A quick grammar lesson from betterannamac:
Had a boy in our school named Avonté. Pronounced Avont. Mother insisted the accent made the e silent. She would come completely unglued when anyone said his name wrong. Lady, that’s “Avontay”
Update: IKR?! I have no idea why she didn’t just leave off the e altogether. The sad thing is, she really really thought it would make it silent. She was really angry about it. If she were a nicer person I would have felt sorry for her as I’m sure no one really challenged it until he got to school and people saw it written versus just hearing it. It got to be where after pre-K we’d warn each teacher about how to pronounce it so spare them the wrath and the incorrect grammar lesson from mom but no one could help it.
14. From the_eric:
I went to high school with a guy named Zip Daub.
His middle name was Adydo.
They named that motherfucker Zip Adydo Daub.
15. Someone who is bad at keeping secrets from Emebust:
Okay Arthur Doak. We called him Okay. He was the youngest of 5 kids.
Fancy (named after the Reba song) and her sister Truly (named after Truly Scrumptious from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang)
Secretlove. She was a kid my mom met when my mom worked at a pediatrician’s office. Secretlove’s mom laid out the whole story to my mom about the name.