Celebrating a birthday at work is hit or miss. I personally always find it kind of silly. It just feels weird, like when a group of servers has to sing to a grown adult celebrating their birthday at a TGI Friday’s.
One Redditor found herself in an awkward situation after she decided to bake cupcakes for the office on her birthday. Her pans only make 24 cupcakes, and there are 25 people in her office.
Rather than making extra she just made the 24 and word around the office was she left out one particular coworker intentionally.
So now, she’s turned to the popular subreddit “Am I The A**hole?” (AITA) to find out if she was wrong for going about it the way she did. Here’s what she said:
AITA for not baking an extra cupcake for my colleague?
OP Explains:
I (24/F) love baking, and I LOVE sharing my baked goods too. I generally get along with everyone else in the office except for this one guy (36/M), which I will call Leo (not real name) whom I wasn’t on very good terms because of the events that happened years ago when I first joined the company years ago as a fresh graduate.
Leo complained that I am “lazy”, hates “cleaning up after my mistakes” and I made him “vomit blood”. I did ask him for mentoring help to generate the reports in the way he expects but he didn’t want to. Instead, he asked me to look at his report and “follow his style”. Fortunately, I was redeployed to another role by in the same department with a better mentor. We don’t talk to each other since.
My birthday fell on a Sunday. I decided to bake cupcakes for everyone in the office as a form of celebration, to be given on Friday of that week.
I considered baking one for him but decided against it because of how tried to share food but was rejected. I believed that even if I made him the cupcake, he would turn it down in a way that will make me “loss face” in front of everyone in the office.
For practical reasons too, I decided to make 24 cupcakes (only have a 12-hole cupcake tray) there would be only 2 rounds of baking. There were 25 people in the office excluding me.
So on Friday, I came into the office with a box of cupcakes, which took me the whole night to bake and I also woke up early to put the frosting in.
Right after lunch, I went from table to table offering my colleagues a cupcake each and everyone was appreciative of it. When I reached Leo’s table, I tried offering it to him. As expected, he said no, but in a manner, I find to be pretty respectful.
After distributing the cupcakes, one of my colleagues came up to me and asked for the extra cupcake that Leo rejected. I told my colleague I actually baked just enough for the office, excluding Leo, so there was no extra cupcake. My colleague looks shocked so I told her that baking the cupcakes didn’t come cheap and since Leo was going to reject it anyway, I didn’t bake more. I also told her about the limits of my oven and I just simply didn’t have enough time to do three rounds of baking only to be turned down at the end.
When I came back on Monday, word has apparently spread to everyone in my department that Leo didn’t “get” a cupcake and I left him out him intentionally. Leo didn’t say anything to me about the cupcake thing but I was told by a colleague that he was really upset and he “really loved cupcakes”, and would have “came around if I had just left some in the fridge and left him alone to get it”.
So Reddit, am I the asshole for baking 24 cupcakes instead of more? I mean I could do just one more round in the oven with ONE or two more cupcakes but it would be a waste of electricity and my time.
The Following Are Acceptable Responses:
NTA – Not the A**hole
YTA – You’re the A**hole
NAH – No A**holes Here
ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Here’s What Commenters Had To Say:
1.
I think you’re NTA for not baking the extra cupcake, but should have kept the details to yourself. “Oh, I actually only baked 24 because I knew from experience that not everyone would take one, and I only had 24 cupcake slots to work with” would have been sufficient.
2.
YTA. Not for baking 24 cupcakes and leaving one out but for going into detail and making it public that Leo and you have conflict. It was unnecessary to provide a vivid description to your coworker. This could have been avoided.
— Voidg
3.
Who bakes 24 cupcakes earmarked for specific people? Bake more than you need and leave them out. No need to police who gets what. NAH, but come on.
4.
ESH.
You – for your long winded explanation of why there wasn’t extra. You should have just said there were no leftovers or that you ate it already. Your co-workers- for spreading the gossip that you gave them Leo- for being such a passive aggressive piece of work.
Btw, not an extra cupcake at all.
5.
ESH. You sound like a bunch of kindergartners
6.
INFO why on earth would you say the quiet part out loud??? That was stupid.
You aren’t wrong to feel how you feel. And baking 24 cupcakes for 25 coworkers isn’t unreasonable on the face. Somebody always says no thanks. But the answer should have just been “sorry they’re all gone”
Why would you tell anybody you excluded ONE person on purpose?? That’s bullying.
— Vaahla
7.
YTA for how you handled things. Not the baking but in telling anyone you knowingly excluded someone. How about “sorry there are no extras”
8.
YTA. You’re not an AH for only baking 24 cupcakes although that was risky. You’re an AH for the way you answered the request for the extra cupcake. You made it clear that you deliberately left Leo out & that was rude plus you made it clear that he wasn’t worth the cost of an extra cupcake which is how much? $1 USD? $2USD? You should have just said, “sorry, they’re all gone”, and stopped talking.
— YMMV-But
9.
YTA – it was unnecessary to announce that you specifically didn’t make one for Leo. If you’re committing to baking for a big group, you bake enough for everyone even those who will potentially say no because there will always be someone who can take the extras off your hands. That being said if you only wanted to bake the 24, you should’ve kept your reasoning to yourself. Adults will always be ready to accept that there just wasn’t enough but will definitely be more critical of someone who intentionally excluded someone. Adults aren’t immune to drama – if anything drama thrives in workplaces, and you gave them the ammo for the drama you’re currently in. Not baking enough doesn’t make you an A, but vocalizing your reasoning did.
10.
YTA, not for baking a short amount, but for making it known that you intentionally baked less just because you knew Leo would reject one. It’s childish to just call him out like that and you should’ve known it would reignite whatever drama you two have. It was better to keep your mouth shut.
— sixyrs