An engagement is supposed to be a happy time for families. There’s a lot to celebrate — but what if your brother and your father were in less-than-celebratory moods? What if they outright insulted your partner and called them a “gold-digger”?
One Redditor says he’s experiencing class-related hostility from his older brother and father because he is marrying a woman who comes from a family that makes less money. Things came to blows at the engagement party—and the OP kicked his brother out.
“I met my now fiancee at the clinic I work in (I’m a dentist) she works a lower paying job at the clinic. She’s the sweetest, nicest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. She’s smart, humble and has a beautiful smile. It was a love of first sight for me and I was lucky that she felt the same way about me.”
“I introduced her to my family after 8 months of dating (she wanted to wait because of her fear that my family wouldn’t accept her) my sister became her best friend instantly. My mom admired her personality and became friends with her mom. But my dad and brother kept their distance and made some pretty hurtful comments about how ‘incompatible’ my fiancee and I were and how I should keep it moving and look for someone ‘with a better background’ they never said anything in front of her though. I ignored them completely and tried to protect my fiancee from their snide comments but because mom and others wanted us too visit then we didn’t have much choice.”
The couple had their engagement party at a restaurant, and the OP did not want his dad or brother there. However, after his mother said they would be civil, the OP allowed them to attend.
“When dinner arrived my brother sat with us at the table asking how much money “I lost” to make this dinner happen then how much my fiancee contributed ‘at all.’ My fiancee and I were talking about her engagement ring and my brother randomly started singing ‘I ain’t saying she a gold digger.’ My fiancee and her mom stared at him and he stopped. I gave him a look as a warning for him to knock it off.”
The OP got up to make a toast, and his brother started coughing “prenup.” The OP told his brother to come outside with him to talk. They had an argument, and the OP told his brother to leave the party. Then the OP’s dad left shortly after. The OP’s mother told him he ruined his own dinner by making a scene.
“My brother is older than me, he’s 37 and divorced,” the OP added.
I think it sounds like the OP did the right thing in asking his disrespectful brother to leave the party, but what do Redditors think? And why are his father and brother so obsessed with his fiancee’s financial status?
“NTA- how dare they disrespect your fiancé, that is crossing the line. I do believe your Dad and brother must talk about their dislike for her A LOT if he had the balls to embarrass you and her at your own party. He deserved to get kicked out and you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all, nor would I even worry about meeting up with them,” said lilyintx.
“NTA. I can’t believe how disgusting your brother is. How old is he?! I picture some immature spoiled 13 year old,” noted DisneyAddict2021.
“How did you ruin the dinner when it was your brother who was being an AH? You and your fiancé were the victims, not the problem. Unless your brother apologizes profusely I wouldn’t invite him to the wedding since it sounds likely he would ruin that, too,” advised darcie33.
“NTA. You done good. Supported your fiancé against an undeserved attack (that’s what it was). Your mother, father and brother? Not so much. Your brother is horrid, your father not much better and your mother is utterly clueless (crying? yeah, right) and an enabler of their poor behavior. They may have money but they lack class. A meeting with your brother is an absolute waste of time because he cannot be trusted. Your parents and brother need to give an apology to your fiancé (and it needs to be sincere) to earn even a moment of your time and even then I wouldn’t trust it,” said Ok-Cauliflower-1388.
“When your mother says you ruined the dinner by kicking your brother out, what she means is you ruined it for her. But the dinner was in honour of you and your fiancee, and your brother ruined it for you and your fiancee, as well as fiancee’s family, before you ever thought to kick him out. NTA. Not at all. (Also props for sticking up for your fiancee so solidly.) Tell your mother that you didn’t ruin your dinner, your brother did, which is why he was told to leave. Every time she brings it up again, just keep repeating ‘no, he did.’ When it comes time to invite people to the wedding, I do not recommend inviting your brother or father. Weddings are to celebrate the bridal couple’s love. People who don’t approve of the relationship don’t belong at the wedding. (And why would they want to attend an event they disapprove of, anyway?) And if you can’t trust your brother to behave himself at the engagement dinner, how are you going to trust him (either of them, really) to not ruin your wedding too,” said ReasonableFig2111.
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