Being a single mom brings unique struggles and joys. But according to one mom-to-be from Reddit, it can also bring with it an unhinged future co-parent who is basically pretending that the OP’s future children are going to be her own. From attending appointments, throwing baby showers for herself, and monitoring the OP’s eating and exercise habits, the situation sounds out of control and potentially dangerous. Is this woman well-intentioned about being a stepmom or is something sinister happening?
“I [29F] dated a guy Joe (30M) for 3 months before he left me to go back to his ex Kim (30F). Right after we broke up I found out I was pregnant and now I’m at 24 weeks. I let him know and he was ecstatic. Turns out his girlfriend had fertility issues and would likely never be able to get pregnant naturally and he has always wanted to be a father. Getting back together was out of the question for both of us so he’s still with his girlfriend,” the OP writes.
“Joe was only allowed at the initial appointment because of COVID-19 and we found out I was having twins. According to Joe when he told Kim she had a mental breakdown about her infertility, and wanted to talk to me. I met them at their house and Kim stated that she wanted to be involved in my pregnancy because she would eventually be the children’s stepmother. She started telling me that I needed to do a home birth, that I needed to formula feed so that they could have the babies half of the week, that she wanted one boy and one girl, and that she wanted the kid to call her Mama since they would be calling me Mommy. I shut her down and said I would make the best choices for my children and my body and left.”
“Kim continued to be overbearing and texting me everyday about my eating habits, exercise habits, and bitching about how her job wouldn’t let her take maternity leave. At the virtual genetics counseling appointment, she attended instead of Joe and took over the whole meeting trying to talk about her family history which wasn’t relevant. When it came time for my 20 week level 2 scan, they allowed me one guest and Joe suggested I take Kim instead of him, which I refused to do. Joe did end up coming and he found out the gender because I wanted to keep it a surprise for me so we could throw a gender reveal party.”
“I put a pregnancy announcement on my social media and then she put up an announcement saying they were expecting twins ‘the non-traditional way’ and how blessed she was. I was irritated but I kept my mouth shut. Then she threw a gender reveal party and posted it on social media. I wasn’t even invited. She also announced that she’s having a baby shower.”
“I commented on her posts and told her to stop treating me like a surrogate, that the kids weren’t hers, and that Joe didn’t have any claim or custody of the kids until they are born. I then called Joe and reiterated all of this and stated that I would not be seeing either of them until we went to family court and that my mother would be my birthing partner. He and Kim and some of her friends and family are saying I’m an asshole and her mother even called and insisted I give her one of my babies like this is the Parent Trap? So AITA?”
No, and Kim and Joe sound like they’re about the steal those babies, so get protected!
“Save screenshots of ALL of this now. Save all communications. Do not have any meetings without your own third party present, and record all phone calls(check legality) this woman is 1000% going to steal your children. You may need evidence for a pre emptive restraining order, or something like that,” said unknownpoltroon.
“Move before they are born!! When my ex and I were getting divorced the court said I was not allowed to move farther than 150 miles away from him. Also, do NOT put his name on the birth certificate. He will have to prove in court via DNA to get any rights over the kids, and if you are in another state, his visitation rights will be few and far between. I would also file a restraining order against Kim. If you have that to be able to show to the courts it can help you get sole custody. Save screenshots of EVERYTHING that she posts about your babies and any messages she sends to you. Have your bases covered for when the time comes. Stay strong and protect those babies,” said lythande_enchantment.
“Please check in with someone/people regularly so if anything goes wrong they will know. Ive seen crime shows just like this of a crazy wannabe mom kidnapping and performing a C-section (not a doctor obviously, just insane) on pregnant women to take their babies for her own. RUN. LAWYER UP. And if you feel safe to, tell us who they are so we (and the lawyers, cops, etc) commenting can check in on them. If they’re gonna make you unsafe and the cops in your area won’t do anything, let us,” noted sunflower-volkswagen.
“NTA. This is some Lifetime level scary steal the baby shit. Good call on the lawyer. Restraining order may become necessary. Documentation of behavior is paramount,” said SardonicAtBest.
“Gonna repeat stuff I’ve seen in other comments. This is not normal behavior, and it sounds like Kim needs therapy. Plus it’s sus that your ex (the father) is already dumping all of the parenthood stuff on his gf. Stop updating them on the status of your pregnancy and keep them out of whatever birth plan you have. Get a lawyer ASAP and keep screenshots, prints, traces of everything and gather them in one place (and potentially also save a copy just in case . I would tell to block them on social media, but then you might lose access to some new evidence of Kim’s deranged behavior if her account is privated. I’ve seen people mention to record the phoen conversations, but depending where you live, when a recording of a phone convo where the other party is unaware of the call being recorded might not constitute an admissible piece of evidence in court. You can always try to communicate via phone as little as you can, but you definitely want to clear that question with a lawyer. If possible, try to get a restraining order against Kim. If you have the means to and if it’s possible where you live, consider moving into another city, it might be more complicated to go to another country while pregnant, due to Covid and certain restriction on pregnant people traveling, and it can be scary to give birth in a country where you don’t speak the language,” advised
The OP updated Redditors on the situation, and it sounds like she’s taking care of things — but Kim also had a scary reaction.
“I never considered that this could’ve happened on purpose. We used condoms because I do not react well to hormonal birth control and I had to wait to get a non-hormonal IUD because of other medical issues. The Thursday I posted this, I went to the police and they stated that there was nothing they could do because a crime hadn’t been committed. In my state orders of protection are criminal or family so I was able to get one against Joe. On Friday, I did get a lawyer and they let me know in my state there was nothing I could do as far as custody before the babies are born, so I will be leaving my state soon to ensure that this isn’t my babies home state and I can’t be charged with anything.”
“However, someone sent this post to Kim and she came to my job, damaged my car, and broke a bunch of office windows. I work with kids so she was arrested for not just the criminal damage and trespassing but also child endangerment so hopefully that works in my favor. Also if Joe did it on purpose, I don’t think Kim knew, because she was screaming at me about how I stole her life and everything I had was supposed to be hers.”
And finally, the OP makes her escape:
“I have orders of protection against both Kim and Joe. I left the state anyway and Joe and Kim started harassing me again because there’s no legal jurisdiction when you leave the state, but I have enough evidence that I was able to press charges in my current state as well and will be pursuing a restraining order here.”
Lifetime movie, indeed. Let’s hope Mom and babies are finally safe.
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