It can be tough to set boundaries and maintain privacy when you move in with a partner and one woman on Reddit is struggling with just that predicament, albeit about a fairly unique issue.
Do you have a gem-filled safe? Yeah, me neither. But u/safegfthrowaway who posted on the “Am I The A–hole” subreddit says she does, and she’s refusing to give her boyfriend of two years the code after he moved into her place. She posted:
“AITA for refusing to give my partner the code to my safe?”
Obviously she doesn’t think she’s in the wrong for keeping her private gem collection private, but he’s saying what’s really at issue here is trust.
OP says she’s got a safe filled with gems, but not she’s not a pirate she’s a gemologist.
I 32(f) and a Gemologist, I spend my days in the lab testing and identifying stones. From the nature of my work I also have a large and valuable collection of jewellery but also gem specimens that I keep in a safe I specifically bought and had installed to keep them safe. I also have a second smaller safe for keeping important documents like passports.
She has a smaller safe, and she gave the code to her boyfriend when he moved in, but apparently that’s not good enough for him.
I own my home and my boyfriend (33m) of 2 years recently moved in as he was renting before. I gave him the code to the smaller safe so he could put valuables in it, but he also wants the code for my gem safe. Not to put anything in it, but he says because we are living together now I should trust him and give him the code. I’ve said no because he has no reason to open the safe as the only thing it’s used for is storing my collection, he’s said he has no interest in my gem collection, doesn’t want to look at them, but still wants the code to access them.
Now her forbidden gems are causing tension in the relationship and she wants to know if she’s wrong.
This is causing tension because he says I should give it to him as a show of trust, and I said no, because he literally has no reason to go in there so he doesn’t need the code. This is a 6 figure collection so I’m not being difficult over a few little gems here. I am the only one who knows the code.
Redditors got her back, and warned her that her boyfriend’s prying was a huge red flag:
OP added an update saying she was moving her personal docs to the more secure safe and sending her gem-curious boyfriend packing:
Holy hell this blew up way more than I ever expected! Im sticking to my guns and I’m not giving him the code. All you lovely internet strangers are right, it’s a huge marinara flag and I’ll be telling him to pack his stuff. I’ll update you later. Thank you all for your comments!!
I’ve checked for cameras (thank you for the suggestions people) and there aren’t any aside from the ones I already have fitted which he doesn’t have access to. I’ve moved all of my personal docs out of the little safe and into my gem safe. I’ve told my colleague what I’m doing and she is going to come around for when I do it.