Infertility can be incredibly discouraging and depressing. Treatment is expensive and grueling and often makes you wonder if there’s something wrong with you.
One Redditor with a child from a previous relationship is experiencing infertility with her current partner, and it’s affecting the way her husband treats her son.
“My husband (Josh, 30) and I (32F) have been married for over a year and dated for 5. I have a son ‘S’ (12) from a previous relationship, my ex and I are nowhere near friends, but he’s an amazing father towards our kid in every possible way. My kid adores his father and they look pretty much alike.”
The OP says that she and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for years but haven’t had success because of Josh’s low count. Josh has been trying, in the meantime, to be around “S” more and spend more time with him. However, “S” sees Josh as more of an uncle figure and not a dad. Josh has been trying to get “S” to call him Dad, but “S” prefers not to and says it’s nothing personal.
“But right now my husband has began to try again and ‘S’ continues to refuse, saying that he already has a daddy and that he doesn’t like the pressure Josh puts on him. I’ve tried to talk to my husband again but every time he says that’s not fair my ex gets all the credit while he’s been a father figure for my kid half of his life. I told him that we cannot force ‘S’ to call him something he doesn’t want to…”
“I thought that was it, but yesterday while we were having dinner ‘S’ told my husband ‘Josh, look at this!’ and my husband totally snapped, he grounded my son and took his switch saying that unless he starts to call him dad he won’t get it back. ‘S’ was almost crying and I told him that none of that was gonna happen because we won’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to. My husband began to throw a tantrum about how it’s not fair, how ‘S’ looks so much like my ex and it’s always a reminder, and that he deserves more respect. I told him to get out of the house until his mind is clearer and doesn’t feel that fighting a kid is right.”
“I get that Josh feels desperate and hurt, but I don’t think that making ‘S’ call him dad is the right move, however I could be wrong, I know that my ex won’t have any problem sharing the title and I’m afraid I might be the a**hole for not taking Josh’s feelings into consideration.”
What to Redditors think? It sounds like Joshua needs some therapy to help him work through his feelings about struggling to have a child.
“NTA! You’re standing up for your son and what he’s comfortable with. Your husband has absolutely no right to force this, or get mad when your son doesn’t like it. Your husband is TA, all the way. Protect your son,” said Niarah.
“Husband needs therapy to deal with the struggles he’s facing. Wanting to be a father doesn’t give you right to bully and force a child into calling you Dad,” said Radderss.
“NTA Put your son first. Your husband is out of line and being upset with your son for looking like your Exe is messed up. Real love doesn’t divide or require titles. Your son is never going to feel comfortable with his stepfather acting like this, and you have a duty to protect him,” explained Amythist35.
“Josh is borderline abusing your kid, projecting his inability to have kids into something your son needs to ‘make better’ You did an okay job protecting your kid but you need to do better – hard boundaries if Josh does come back, an honest apology and this dad thing ends forever. This moment will be replaying in your sons mind for the rest of his life, I’m relieved that he’ll remember his mum standing up for him against a bully but if you backtrack it will break his ability to trust you in ways that cant ever really be fixed. You did exactly what you should have,” asserted africanwanderer.
“NTA your looking after your family BUT your husband is! Your son is doing what’s he’s comfortable and sounds like they have had a good relationship until mow! Thank you for kicking him out as hopefully it’ll wake him up to how much damaged he’s potential done to his relationship with your son. Please speak to your son, saying it’s not his fault etc and get your son therapy and demand your husband gets some too. How frightening it must have been for your son and to hear how his step father hates how he looks like his dad, words have been spoken that can have damage for years to come. It’s also a red flag, if you get pregnant does that mean his will play favourites with bio child as it doesn’t look like your ex? You need to have a big discussion with your husband before he comes back. Good luck,” said Primary-Couple.
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