There’s no problem with being close to your parents — but sometimes, boundaries need to be put into place. That’s the case with one grown Redditor who is so enmeshed with his mother that he actually shows her his hemorrhoids. Needless to say, when he purchased a new apartment, he decided that it was healthy to finally establish a border by changing the locks and not giving his mother the new keys. His family is saying that was cruel, but in reality he is taking baby steps to improving his life and assert his independence.
“I’m 29m and currently live in an apartment that I recently bought. My parents helped me in choosing the property as well as the down payment, so I feel they deserve to be included in some things. I’ve always been close with my Mom. I still stop by to eat breakfast and dinner. However lately I noticed my Mom has become more intense,” the OP said.
“Some things: My mom power calls me when she knows I’m with my gf. She insisted I date someone older who can take care of me. She wanted to know the net worth, salary, child plans, and relationship experience of my gf. She constantly belittles me because I have gained some weight. When I showed her my hemorrhoids, she said it’s because of my eating habits.”
“One day my mom burst into my apartment when my GF was sleeping. We got into a huge fight because my mom doesn’t approve of my gf, which resulted in a screaming match. I eventually changed the lock on my house which my family is protesting and saying I’m a major AH. They said I should have consulted them first. I have not given them a new key. Reddit, AITA?”
This mother needs to back off! And this son needs to establish boundaries!
“You and your mom have some seriously blurred boundary lines. Redrawing the ‘key to your apartment’ line is just the first in a HUGE list of boundary lines that need to be reinstated, the least of which is definitely not the ‘showing your mother your butt-hole’ line. NTA, and please please please, more boundaries, not less,” advised
“Ok, first of all, STOP SHOWING YOUR MOM YOUR HEMORRHOIDS. Now that that’s out of the way, NTA. You’re 29 years old. Not 9. You live on your own and mom having a key has obviously caused some boundaries to be crossed. Mom doesn’t need a key. Your phone has silent mode. Use it,” said
“The boundaries are skewed because your relationship hasn’t evolved past parent and child. Showing your mum your bumhole isn’t appropriate between mum and adult child. That’s only appropriate when you’re a young minor. It seems to indicate that normal boundaries have never been established between you and your mum, so she expects to baby you as she always has. I think it might be a good idea to speak to a therapist about appropriate relationship dynamics, especially if you plan on having kids in the future, and to understand what’s unhealthy about your relationship with your parents. NTA,” said
“Abuse isn’t only hurting with words or hands. It’s far more complex than that. Covert emotional abuse might be what you want to look up. Your mom should not be playing doctor by examining your intimate areas. If real doctors cannot treat their kids, then your mom certainly should not be. Sadly, your mom broke so many boundaries of yours growing up it makes sense you found that normal. NTA and I’m so sorry. Your childhood was more hellish than you know of your adulthood is any example,” explained
“GO TO THERAPY! your relationship with your mother is not normal. You’re an adult and you choose your partner not her. You have every right to tell her to shut it. NTA but you need to step back and assess what a healthy parent child bond looks like,” said
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