One of the biggest rites of passage for a young adult is moving out of their parents’ house. Some are more excited to get a place of their own or share with friends — but some others are not thrilled by the idea. And it’s the same with parents, too. Maybe some are ready for their kids to leave and others want them to stay close.
One Redditor has parents who were more than ready for him to get out — but now that he’s staying with a family in their community, the parents are experiencing shaming for turning their son out. And they want him back.
“My (18M) parents planned on being a child free couple, but because of religious beliefs they kept me even if I was an unwanted pregnancy. I don’t remember when exactly I was told, but I always knew that I would be expected to move out as soon as I reached 18 years old. I have been working and saving since I turned 13 and have a respectable amount in a savings account,” the OP writes.
“Now to be fair to my parents, they provided for me financially, they were distant emotionally but they have never been abusive,” he added.
“A week before my 18th birthday (January 13th) they sat me down and asked if I have found a place to move into yet. I said yes and that was the extent of the conversation. I was planning to live in an apartment with 4 other guys, but a friend’s family heard about it and offered me their finished basement with separate access for a very cheap price ($150 a month utilities included, no down payment required). So I jumped at the opportunity even though I know it is a pity offer. It is relevant that both his family and mine are of Indian descent.”
The OP says he moved out the day after his birthday and that his parents hadn’t contacted him since — but he also did not reach out to them.
“Yesterday my dad called to invite me to dinner. It was awkward even before they asked me to move back in, said I don’t have to pay them rent or anything. But here’s the thing, I like my new living situation, it lacks the awkwardness and tension that I didn’t even know was there until I moved out,” the OP said.
“When I said no, politely at that and thanking them for the offer, my mother started crying and left the room, while my dad started scolding me and saying that their friends are excluding them because of the ‘rumour’ that they threw me out and another Desi family had to take me in. I said that that was exactly what happened, and it isn’t my job to save them from the consequences of their actions and decisions. Now my whole extended family is calling me nonstop and saying I am being an AH.”
“To answer a question that was asked by a lot of my fellow desi Redditors: I think my parents thought that I would be moving with strangers and they could say that I was trying to be independent and they were supportive of that. But when I moved with people from the community they couldn’t pretend anymore,” the OP added.
I mean, it’s true — the OP doesn’t have to save his family from what they perceive as shaming. What do Redditors think?
“NTA. They don’t want you back, they want their reputation and social life back. Your parents are cold, mean people. Don’t go back for anything. Hopefully this other family welcomes you and treats you as one of their own. I’m sorry. You deserve a lot better than you’ve been treated so far,” said Awkward-Mix-283.
“It’s not just about OP ‘feeling more comfortable with it’; it’s also a more stable situation. His parents only want him back to dispel the (true) rumors, and restore their social status. As soon as that is accomplished they’ll be asking OP to pack his bags and GTFO. With his parents’ reputation restored, and OP not being ‘kicked out at 18’; that other family would no longer feel the need to offer him any ‘pity’ rent deal. OP would be screwed out of cheap place to stay in favor of very temporary ‘free’ housing in an awful environment. All that would do is (slightly) delay the inevitable; while simultaneously throwing away this amazing rent deal right now. Why in the world would OP do this favor (screw up his life to repair his folk’s reputation) for parents who’ve never cared for him in his life,” noted Obsessed_With_Corgisgo.
“I had the EXACT same thing happen to me as a teenager. My brother and I got a 6hr warning that we were to be out of the house by that evening and any belongings we left would be sold or thrown out immediately. We were desperate for help, so I posted on Facebook (back when EVERYONE was on there), asking if anyone had a truck we could use and why we needed it so badly on such short notice. One of my cousins saw the post and it eventually got back to my grandmother. She called me, screaming and raging that I would be so cruel as to ‘ruin my father’s reputation’ as a good father. If he wanted to be seen as a good father, maybe he shouldn’t have made two of his children (including one with significant disabilities) homeless with no warning! OP, yours are facing the consequences of their actions. Do NOT move back in! It may be hard at the moment, but you have just begun a new and MUCH happier chapter of your life! Stay strong,” shared fightwithgrace.
“NTA. Your parents did exactly what their friends are saying they did, and you moving back in will not actually change that. Nor, I suspect, will it actually help them save face – your parents’ friends aren’t going to magically forget that they threw you out if you move back in! And even if it did magically brainwash the friends, you would still have no obligation to go back. You prefer your living situation now, and your parents have made it very clear that you owe each other nothing. They’re reaping what they sowed and it’s not your job to save them from that,” said lachrymosade.
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