Unfortunately, sibling relationships can be fraught. And when you introduce money into the situation — yikes. One Redditor wrote about a situation she’s in that would stress anyone out, and she’s only 18.
After her father died, the OP wanted to save her inheritance money for college. However, her older sister — who is described as being very unkind — has a chronically ill husband, and they want the money for his surgery.
The OP is placed in the uncomfortable position of giving her money to someone who doesn’t seem to care about her or keeping her inheritance and leaving her sister to figure out other options.
“Context: My sister (F27) and I (18F) lost our dad a year ago. He was my only parent, mom was never in mine or my sister’s life. Dad left money (inheritance) for me and sister and she used her inheritance to get new cars and renovate her house I live with my aunt right now cause my brother in-law didn’t let me stay with my sister. I’m planning on using my inheritance money to pay for college tuition (I’ve always wanted to be doctor but haven’t decided which branch yet).”
The OP says she isn’t very close with her sister, and that the rift started after she got married to “her chronically ill husband who was allowed to make backhanded comments about dad and mock his illness and make a scene at his funeral.”
The OP’s brother-in-law has been in and out of the hospital for heart problems and needs surgery. The OP’s sister brought up the inheritance money, but the OP ended the conversation.
“She then straight up asked if I could help pay for her husband’s surgery and she’d pay back in less than a year. I felt uneasy cause if I give her money from my inheritance, which is a large amount, then there’s no guarantee she’ll pay back before It’s time to apply for college. I’m taking a year gap but I know my sister can’t pay back that much and I felt I was risking my future.”
“I refused to help and she had a melt down at my aunt’s house calling me heartless, cruel with no empathy. She said that her husband’s health should be a priority and I needed to help because education is nothing compared to someone’s health and asked if I’d be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father. My aunt suggested others pay but most of them cut my sister and her husband off. I argued that her husband’s poor health isn’t my fault after she kept blaming and guilt-tripping me. She kept crying and although my aunt decided to stay out of it she said that I should be prepared for permanent damage in my relationship with my sister if I don’t help her now.”
“She’s been sending texts and pictures of her family telling me this is what I was saying no to, a happy healthy family with a healthy husband and father. I cried and felt like I was being selfish, not good aunt and sister. I asked my friend and he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money I’ll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school.”
What do Redditors think?
“Your friend is correct. You’ll never get the money back because sis isn’t willing to give up her luxurious lifestyle. She chose how to spend her inheritance, didn’t save for a rainy day and isn’t entitled to yours because of her poor financial planning. NTA,” said cashycallow.
“Your sister is manipulating you. She received the same money you did. If her husband is chronically ill than they should have saved that money for his care instead of spending it on luxury items. She probably always planned to spend her money and yours. Will refusing to give her the money damage your relationship with her? Probably. But do you really want to give up your future to preserve the relationship you have with her now? Because it sounds like a terrible one. And don’t think that giving her this money with improve the relationship at all,” noted Forward_Squirrel8879.
“No one has mentioned that your BIL would not let you stay with them when your dad died, but he’s perfectly happy letting you take care of his family while you stay at the Aunt’s house? Please don’t give these people any money! The man has been sick for some time, they should not have wasted the money your dad gifted them despite BIL being trash to dad! Just because they’re family does not mean you have to have a relationship with your sister. Go be a doctor, save many more lives than this one. You’ve got this! Good luck,” said Paindonthurt74.
“NTA – your sister’s husband had poor health before you and your sister received your inheritances. Knowing this, they have made poor choices – everything from being generally unlikeable and rude to your father during his life to not supporting you by letting you live with them after your father passed away to spending their inheritance money on renos and cars (with the reasonable expectation that they would eventually experience a health crisis). I would also point out that they have conveyed that they will not be there for you in your time of need (living situation). All this to say that you need to look after yourself first… guilt-free. Your aunt is right, this will permanently damage your relationship with your sister. My suspicion though is that your sister will always be reaching out to you for money, even more once you become a doctor, so establishing boundaries now will serve you well. Edit to add: it is really shitty of your sister to put this big, huge burden on your shoulders. You are only 18 years old and have recently lost your father and now need to make important decisions about your own future. This makes me more angry the more I think about it. How dare she put you in this position,” explained LeeAllen3.
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