Cooking a meal for a group can be fun but stressful. You try to anticipate everyone’s dietary needs and preferences: who is allergic to what, who doesn’t eat meat, who isn’t a fan of tomatoes. Your guests should be gracious because you’ve put in a lot of effort — but what if one of them absolutely refuses to eat what you’ve prepared and acts rude? That’s what one Redditor experienced when his brother’s fiancee, who is vegan, not only refused the vegan meal prepared but acted entitled at the table.
The OP explains that he does eat meat, eggs, and dairy but cooks a lot of vegetarian and vegan meals because he is lazy. He volunteered to cook a meal for a small family dinner because their brother has a vegan fiancee, and he loves “my mom to bits but if the first step isn’t browning a pound of ground beef, she’s a little lost on what to make.”
He adds that they haven’t really spent time together with the fiancee because of the pandemic, but that the times they have spent together have been “perfectly nice.”
“So I did my best. I put together a dijon vinaigrette salad, pasta tossed with roasted asparagus and cherry tomatoes, and because this is America where carb on carb doesn’t have to be just a dream, some bread I f*cking vetted to make sure it didn’t have milk or eggs in it. She could eat every single thing served.”
“At least I thought so. We sit down, plates are dished, she has questions. Whatever, fair enough. I can imagine that she’s been in situations where things seemed safe to eat but surprise, there’s honey in the salad dressing or something. Reassurances are made, I did my homework but…she has other complaints. You roasted the veggies in olive oil? There’s olive oil in the salad dressing? The pasta isn’t whole wheat? This is white bread? Yes. Vegan, all of it, but not stripped down to as few calories as possible. Anddddd now she won’t eat, just sat there and tore one of the rolls up into tiny pieces until the table was cleared,” the OP added.
“My brother texted me later that night about how f*cked up it was that she had to go home hungry, and this is where I may be the a**hole. I replied something in the effect of saying I thought I had to cook to accommodate veganism, not an eating disorder. He told me to go f*ck myself, which again, fair. Now I imagine a cold war is brewing and mom is inevitably going to get sucked in. I also could have tried to make something healthier, though I don’t think what was served was that bad. AITA?”
Eating disorders are no laughing matter. But the meal prepared was totally appropriate for someone living a vegan lifestyle. What do Redditors think the OP should do?
“NTA. It’s seems rude that you cooked a vegan dinner and she didn’t eat any of it. What is the problem with olive oil,” asked EvasiveFriend.
“Vegan weighing in here: Nothing is wrong with olive oil. Everything he made is perfectly fine. If she had further diet restrictions (low carb, gluten-free, low calorie, etc.), she or the brother should have told OP before hand. This isn’t a vegan issue, this is a being-a-snotty-brat issue. NTA,” said Okapi_MyKapi.
“My thoughts exactly, she was actually extremely rude to OP, the host who went out of their way to research, purchase and prepare a full vegan meal, not only some vegan options which is more common. If the GF is so worried about caloric intake, she still could have easily had a small portion of every last thing on the table and not have acted like a spoiled brat…it was highly inappropriate. If I were meeting/getting to know my significant other’s family for the first time, this is not the impression I would have wanted to leave. And to make matters worse, complain or sulk enough to the point her BF is contacting their sibling unjustifiably so because the poor girl left starving, by her own choosing, seriously,” noted therealmrsbrady.
“You’re NTA. His gf is out of line for going to a dinner without bringing her own food or explaining her dietary preferences ahead of time. They obviously should have hosted. Your brother is way way way out of line for not reaching out to apologize to you for how the dinner went down. Sure, your quip was irreverent but it was right and you didn’t say it until your brother came at your like you did something wrong by cooking an entire vegan dinner to accommodate his boo,” said Maximum_System_7819.
“NTA. You DID accommodate her, you knew she had ONE dietary restriction (i.e. veganism) and you cooked everything vegan. Not just vegan options, EVERYTHING was vegan friendly. That’s next level accommodation if you ask me. For the record, I’m a vegetarian and I’m used to bringing my own food or sticking to the salads available, I’ve never been to a non-vegetarian household where they make only vegetarian food to accommodate me (nor do I expect them to) and if it were me I’d be thanking you for days. That’s a really nice thing to do. Now, she has some other dietary restrictions that she didn’t tell you about, and then apparently you’re the AH for not reading minds and just knowing without nobody telling you that she has some other ‘requirements’ for food. Like how does that even make sense to your brother? If I were you I’d be super passive aggressive and say something along the lines of, ‘I’m so sorry I haven’t upgraded my seer abilities yet and thus was unable to just guess your gf’s food restrictions. I will let you know when I’m a full-on psychic so I can have all the information without anyone telling me, and then you’ll be welcome in my house again.’ NTA NTA NTA NTA. Your gf is the biggest AH and your brother for enabling her and snapping at you when you were nothing but perfectly nice,” said Apprehensive_Sand_77.
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