Kate Hackett
The “pay the bill” expectation sure is a weird one and it’s usually pretty easy to judge whether someone is in the wrong when they refuse to pay someone else’s way.
In u/goodneighbourta‘s story posted to Reddit’s Am I The Asshole sub, our original poster will be exploring whether she was in the wrong for refusing to cover her sister-in-law’s bill at a recent outing.
Let’s see what she wrote.
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OP opens her tale by explaining that she recently went to her sister-in-law’s bachelorette party.
So I (25F) went out for dinner for my SIL’s (28F) bachelorette party this past weekend. Between my SIL and my Husband (26M), SIL has always been the golden child of the family. Growing up my in-laws coddled her and gave her everything that she wanted while my husband always got the shitty end of the stick. She was always the popular girl in school, cheerleader, lots of friends, all the boys loved her. While my husband was always a little more nerdy and got picked on quite a bit, even my in-laws would give him a hard time about this and say he needed to be “more like his sister”.
The sister isn’t doing as well as OP and her husband financially.
While fast forward to today, both my husband and I went to tops schools, got our degree’s and currently have very well paying jobs in tech. I’m not trying to sound braggy, this is just for context, but we live a very, very comfortable life. SIL still currently lives at home with my in-laws where they foot all of her bills, she had my niece (4F) with her ex and is currently on marriage #2.
For the bachelorette party, OP was invited to a very fancy restaurant with her in-law and her sister-in-law’s friends. When the bill came, the waiter gave it to OP.
This past weekend I was invited to this fancy upscale restaurant in my city for my SIL’s bachelorette party (she just wanted to do a nice dinner). There were 8 of us in total. At the end of dinner the bill comes out and the waiter hands it to me…
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Here’s the crazy bit: instead of informing OP BEFORE the night began what the expectations were (so OP could, you know, opt-out if she wanted), her SIL just springs on OP that she’s paying.
I’m sitting there confused for a second until SIL speaks up and is all “my parents and I were talking and were thinking you and my brother can handle the bill for this, as a wedding gift, since you’re not financially contributing to my wedding”. I stared at her shocked for a moment and the was like “and you didn’t think to bring this up to me before hand?”.
The sister thought this wasn’t a big deal, but OP was still pretty wildly put out to have this sprung on her. FAIR, GIRL.
She started going off about how we’re so well off so what’s the big deal, and she’s sure her brother wouldn’t have an issue with it. I asked her why her fiancé doesn’t foot the bill, or my in-laws, and where in her right mind she thinks it’s okay to spring this on me?
OP refused to pay the entire bill, forking over about half before she just left.
She started going on about how we’re the wealthiest in both her and her fiancé’s family and that she didn’t think I would act like this and would say yes. I told her “well sorry but I’m not your parents, don’t expect hand outs from me”. She called me selfish and I called her and entitled brat, paid for my half of the bill and left.
And now her in-laws are furious with OP. Her husband is on OP’s side, but her mom suggested apologizing to keep the peace.
Well as expected my MIL, SIL, and even some of the cousins and aunts on my husbands side have been absolutely furious with me and are expecting me to apologize for the comments. I told them over my dead body. Husband is 100% on my side, and we are debating on not going to the wedding. I was talking to my mom and she thinks I took it too far with the comments, and should just apologize to keep the peace. AITA?
INFO: The bill was close to $1,000USD.
LORD that’s expensive. No, I can’t see how OP is a jerk here – not at all. Her issue wasn’t even necessarily with the expectation of the gift, it was that it was sprung on her.
One Redditor spotted something pretty awful, “I guarantee you were only invited as a set-up to try and make you pay.”
Another said that the sister-in-law was so wrong, “The fact of her springing that on you at the end is unconscionable—it’d be one thing (still questionable) if they had approached you privately beforehand to see if you’d throw a dinner for them. It’s another entirely to surprise you at the end of a dinner, and expect you to pay for not only her but six of her friends.”
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