Patricia Grisafi
Working from home can be great if you have the space you need and aren’t interrupted a gazillion times a day. But what if you have a spouse who can’t respect your space and constantly intrudes, making you look unprofessional in front of your colleagues?
One Redditor currently in that situation made the decision to purchase a lock for the door so she can have some peace and prevent her husband from constantly interrupting her. Is that too much?
The OP says that she and her husband of ten years have two kids together. Her husband is currently unemployed, and she recently started working from home for 5 hours in a home office. “Thing is my husband would constantly barge into my office and interrupt my work over simple requests he could get done himself,” she writes. Stuff like fixing his phone, getting the kids ready, watching food to make sure it doesn’t burn.
“I’ve talked to him about how this has been impacting my work. I already handle the chores when I’m not working so I think 5hrs of work should be respected. He’d apologize and say he didn’t know then do it again and say it was spontaneous. Two days ago, I had an important meeting and he barged in, interrupted my meeting asking me to fix his tie because he was going out later. It was horrible in front of my colleagues and superiors. I bought a lock later and installed it, when my husband got home in the evening and saw it he looked absolutely shocked,” she writes.
“He asked what was the lock for and I replied that because of him interrupting my work sessions this was my only way. He sent the kids to their room then argued saying, ‘I can’t believe you wanna act like the kids & I are not even here and lock us out like that.’ I argued I didn’t appreciate how disrespected my boundaries and thought the lock is the solution after I’ve exhausted all options. He pitched a fit saying the lock is not a good solution and expressed how hurt he was feeling. He asked ‘imagine how the kids are going to feel when they see it.’ Then went outside to smoke. He kept saying I should remove it.”
What do Redditors think?
“‘You just want to pretend like the kids and I aren’t here.’ There’s an obvious response to this that might help get it through to him: ‘Yes. I want to pretend like I’m away from home in an office while I work, and I’d like for you all to pretend the same.’ What you are asking is no different that it would be if you worked 5 hours a day in an office, and he desperately needs to respect that,” said malikyiaue.
“‘Imagine how the kids are going to feel when they see it.’ The kids will feel that their mother has boundaries that must be respected. This will help prevent them from growing up with the kind of disrespectful attitude that their father is modeling,” said MixWide.
“Honestly OP, I would get in front of it and talk to the kiddos directly. Tell them that mommy loves them very much, but needs this lock in order to be able to finish work and spend time with them after. If kids are in school, use the idea of schoolwork to equate to office work, and if not, then something like a puzzle or finishing an art project. Also, let the kids know that if they need mommy, they can knock on the door and mommy will come when she gets a second (if this is possible) and OP can walk out and give the kiddos a hug and kiss when they have a break between meetings if possible,” advised Zealousideal_Radio80
“NTA. You are working from home. It’s not mommy time, it’s not fix the sink time, it’s working time. He needs to get his head around it and respect that. That being said, some people have a hard time with the WFH concept, simply can’t get their heads around it that it’s work time, even if you’re sitting in your own home. He sounds like one of them. Have you tried putting it this way: Husband, would you drive 1 hour to my work place and ask me to fix your tie? Would you send the kids by bus to my office to have me comb their? This is my office, these are my working hours, and it doesn’t matter if I have to drive to an office building or walk across the hall in our house, I’m working,” explained Linden_in_bloom.
“Let’s be real for a minute – there is some low key misogyny driving his expectations. Even though you are working he still expects you to fix his tie, take care of the kids, watch the oven ( for a phone call?), fix a zipper, or fix the kids hair so he could do other tasks that he deems more important – like shower. His sense of entitlement is apparent from when he came barging into a meeting to fix a tie for later – because him going out later is more important than your meeting right now. I would be seriously questioning if he trying to threaten your employment – it definitely feels like he wants to be the ‘man’ of the household and you working while he is unemployed looking after the kids is threatening him,” said FLKaren.
Featured Image: Unsplash
