Patricia Grisafi
11. Butt-Kissing Level 100
“One of my co-workers knew the branch manager was obsessed with Magic The Gathering, so he pretended to have ‘connections’ with someone at Wizards where he got ‘free cards.’ Turns out this guy was actually just buying the cards. One of my other co-workers saw him buying a booster box at a Walmart nearby. He was literally bribing the boss for favors with magic cards that he paid full price for. The sad thing? It f*ckin worked. Everyone knew this dude got preferential treatment. When he f*cked things up, manager dude would always cover for him. He got promoted to a position he definitely didn’t deserve over someone else who was way more qualified. We even tried letting bossman know that he was just buying the cards at the Walmart nearby, but he didn’t believe us. So yeah, a few thousand in Magic cards got the buttkisser raises worth 5x that.” — Vanderal
12. Bribery
“My immediate supervisor and I were doing a job offsite at a partner company’s lab, like an hour’s drive from our company, and we finished our task at like 4:30, and I was like, f*ck it, let’s end the workday. He insisted on calling the director and inform him we were done working offsite, and ask him to officially give us permission to go home a half hour early. The director was like, ‘You called and bothered me to ask this? JUST GO HOME, seriously, you two are out in the field because you’re supposed to be able to make decisions like this on your own.'” — ThadisJones
13. Making Yourself Look Too Good To Be True
“As a blackjack/craps dealer in a casino I had a floor manager that hated me. The feeling was very mutual. One day I was secret shopped and received a 100% with some outstanding personalized comments on it. The higher ups were so impressed that the head of Table Games came down from on high to give me 50.00 worth of cash gift cards (unheard of, we normally get 5.00 buffet vouchers). This all took place in front of the floor who hated me. This ah reaches in his pocket and hands me a card for ‘an entry into a drawing for a 10.00 cafe credit’ and tells me I did good. F*cker used my 15 seconds of fame to make himself look good to the dept head. It kinda backfired when I handed it back and said ‘no thanks, I know you don’t mean it.’ Dept head hauled my ass upstairs and asked what I meant. I didn’t need the job so I unloaded every single instance of harassment, sexual harassment, hr investigations, and backed them all up. Covid hit while he was suspended and he was not invited back when they reopened.” — Stitch-point
14. Acting Sexy
“I used to work with a girl who would always change her voice whenever she would interact with our boss to try and seem sexy. Her voice would literally go up several octaves in tone and she would adopt this valley girl type of inflection. If he wasn’t around she talked completely different.” — LivingCakeLife
15. Naming Your Children After Your Boss
“Co-worker named both his children after boss/owner.” — yesitsyourmom
16. Toxic Positivity
“At an old job, we had an app for group communications, a guy that had just been promoted to Assistant manager would put out ‘inspirational messages’ randomly. So you would get a notification from this app, open it up and read something like: ‘Hello everyone, I hope everyone is having a terrific day! Let’s try to come to work with positivity and good energy! Remember, what you put out into the universe is what you get back, so let’s put that positivity out there and attack the day with that mindset!’ Worst part was, his personality didn’t match up with the messages. So he was relatively cool in person, but was clearly putting out these messages to look good for the owners.” — C-Nast49
17. Knocking Over Tables
“I was in a group interview once where I was one of probably 12-15 people. Group interviews are pure gold for a*s kissing. In that interview, we had a guy that tripped over a table and knocked it over because he wanted to be the first one to shake the interviewers’ hands. Also a lot of, ‘and if you pick me then I will bring this talent to the company…’ bullsh*t.” — jofin156
Featured Image: Unsplash
