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Lawyers Are Sharing Their “Now You Messed Up” Moments (15 Posts)

11. 

“This guy wanted custody over his children after a divorce and his wife was accusing of abuse(physical) . He was asked if he had ever abused his wife and he straight up said ‘Yes, but only when she annoyed me’ or something along the lines of that. I was ready to straight up leave the court room and laugh my ass off.” — _agathaneedzhlp

12. 

“My phone rang in court and forgot to put it on silent. The ringtone was the Mortal Kombat theme song.” — ELAKSAVKD

13. 

“My dear, departed bf was a criminal defense attorney who told me this one: Attorney (cross-examination): ‘You were dating my client, Eddie X, and your then-boyfriend, Mr Z, and became pregnant. How did you know that the baby was not my client’s child?’  Witness: ‘Because Eddie always f***** me up the ass!'” — kd3906

14. 

“This happened summer after my first year of law school, I was making a court appearance as a student attorney (basically, a rule in my state that lets students practice under attorney supervision). I was working with the public defender’s office, representing a client at a first appearance on a probation violation/bail hearing. On a probation violation, the judge is allowed to hold a defendant without bail (keep them in jail until the case is over). Client says he has some money, but not much. Could get together about $500 for bail. Ok, I’ll ask the judge to keep it low or just release him. Prosecutor asks for $300 bail. Great, my work here is done. Whatever I say, judge will order $300 or less and my guy is out. I say my piece, and then my client interrupts the judge, saying some incoherent stuff about how he needs to get out and he’s got this that and the other thing going on. Won’t let the judge speak. Judge holds him without bail even though the prosecutor didn’t ask for it. All he had to do was shut up and he’d have gone home that afternoon.” — brotherstoic

15. 

“The defendant tried to bitch slap one of the jury.” — soiseeadog-hmmm

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Patricia Grisafi

Patricia Grisafi, PhD, is a freelance writer and educator. Her work has appeared in Salon, Vice, Bitch, Bustle, Broadly, The Establishment, and elsewhere. She is passionate about pit bull rescue, cursed objects, and designer sunglasses.