Lindsay
In the grand scheme of gender bias, men have it pretty OK. But that doesn’t mean they don’t face situations that make them uncomfortable.
Like women and people who do not fit into the gender binary, men need safe spaces to discuss the things they are afraid to talk about. Because growth happens when you can safely address the tough questions and work through them.
In the r/AskMen subreddit, one Redditor wanted to know some of the topics and issues men are afraid to discuss due to backlash.
“What are you afraid to talk about because of the backlash you’ll get for it?”
Many men on the app opened up, with the post receiving 8,300 comments. Below are some examples of topics some male Redditors are hesitant to discuss.
1. Height
Talking about how people judge me based on my height.
2. Healing trauma
My ex was a gaslighting alcoholic who exhausted me with an endlessly tiring one sided relationship. We split, she finally got help and is doing better, which I’m happy for. But I’ve never been able to share my side of the story of relentless caretaking and loving someone who showed zero love back because now she’s “so strong and brave for getting help”. The only person to benefit from it would be me just getting some closure, it would just hurt everyone else. So i stay quiet and learn to move on my own way just healing my emotional damage one day at a time on my own. Plus guys generally aren’t allowed to be emotionally damaged without people telling you that you’re just being a wimp or whatever so it’s my own little secret trauma
3. Their relationship with their step-children
Missing my step kids. I just feel like everyone will be like “they’re not your kids why does it matter” but i raised them for 2 years… taught the youngest how to ride a bike. Miss being a dad.
4. Common diseases
Alzheimers. I hate the thought of losing all my memories and not knowing where I am/who people are from one day to the next.
5. Dealing with intimate partner abuse
A woman can still be the abusive one in a relationship.
6. Instagram
How instagram has turned (or maybe revealed) many people as narcissists. Also, I’m curious what will happen when these people will not receive so much attention when they age.
7. Sexual harassment
A woman smacked my ass when I passed her at a bar. I yelled at her (pretty loud) about how I’d be in cuffs if I did it, she doesn’t even know me, etc… guess it was a bit of a scene and someone called the police and I had no clue until they showed up 20 minutes later. They grabbed me and said someone was screaming and being aggressive toward a woman at the bar and that I fit the description. I explained exactly why I was yelling… they let her go because she was crying. Told me to leave the bar and go home for the night. I was sexually assaulted and had to leave the premises because the woman was upset. Still fills me with infinite rage to this day when I think about it.
8. Affection
Needing more hugs and touch from guy friends but a free hugs shirt helps.
9. Going to the bathroom *a certain way*
I pee while sitting down to avoid collateral damage
10. Self defense
The whole “never hit a woman even if she’s hitting you” thing. Obviously don’t throw a Superman punch but if she’s slapping the shit out of you and tryna punch you definitely push her ass away
11. VGs
VIdeo games.
My mother’s siblings, especially my Karen aunt dislikes video games highly, to the point they say all gamers are failures of society. My aunt always bad talk me because I always play video games since I was young and it serves as my stress relieving activity and to have fun immersing in a game lore and things.
My mother on the other hand, supported me with everything even in games I play. We became very private because of this, and it helped us me, my brother and my mother bonded together because of video games.
No one in our extended family know even to this day, we are doing better and currently, I am a president’s lister at a good university.
12. A great hobby
Knitting
13. Gender bias in the workplace
I can personally vouch that discrimination against male nurses is rampant
14. Mental health
The fact that I’ve struggled with self harm and suicidal depression. Never been able to talk about it openly with my closest friends or family. I know everyone has their own shit to deal with and it’s a lot to put on someone.
15. Not letting past mistakes define who you are
I used to be an abusive partner and I’m not that person anymore. I’ve gone to therapy, realized my horrid tendencies, and have been a better person for years now. I spent so long being terrible person that no one believes I’ve changed and while I can’t blame them- I want to make things right and be as great as I can be.
I advocate heavily for victims of domestic abuse and have marched for them as well as other women’s rights causes.
I won’t ever stop- not because of the guilt I feel- but because it’s the right thing to do, advocacy for women and victims of domestic abuse.
But I also feel like a massive hypocrite, having been at one point what I now fight against and I don’t know how to get past that feeling.
16. Care down there (the other “down there”)
Prostate massaging. Like it feels incredible, and has many health benefits. But trying to bring up the fact you stick something up your ass is a bit taboo to say the least.
17. A dad’s job is being a dad
I don’t deserve special thanks or approval or recognition for picking up my kids from school. I’m their dad. It’s a routine mundane task. Their mom doesn’t get any special thanks or recognition.
Also. Don’t congratulate me for babysitting my own kids. I don’t babysit my own kids. Their my kids. I take care of them like any parent would. It’s my responsibility. I’m not merely a babysitter. I’m not taking on a special responsibility. It IS my responsibility.
18. Race relations
As a black guy, I completely understand the importance of the past and I am 100% aware of how this nation has done many injustices against African Americans. However, every single time I talk about moving forward and forgiving and not holding every single white person to the dumb decisions of the few, past or present, I get so much heat from my own people. I’ve been held at gunpoint by a cop for no reason leaving work (i am a general manager for the place where the Lord’s chicken is made so I was locking up and was told that I was robbing the place. I had keys.), I’ve been called the N word multiple times this year alone. I’ve been tempted to judge all white people. However for every bad cop, there were 20 great ones who helped me change flat tires, or drove me to a gas station when I ran out of gas, or just was a cool person. For every N word dropped, there were 50 great people who invited me into their home as family and treated me with the upmost respect. I just rather work towards reconciling than forcing guilt on those who may look like the bad ones, but are fighting along side me.
19. Processing loss in a different way
My ex wife coming out as gay.
She hooked up with her friend and the whole thing was celebrated which is great they can be who they want to. Our kids went into counseling and the older ones don’t have the same relationship with her anymore. Still got the love but it’s not the same connection. I just went into some kind of grieving emotion thing and since we have gotten divorced slowly healed.
So, great that people are more accepted for who they are these days but I’m a little broken, probably should have spoken to someone about it from the start myself.
20. High elevation
How living at high altitude takes a toll on your body.
You can view the entire post here.
Lead image: Flickr
