Reddit user Pessimistic_Soviet posted in AskReddit:
“Those of you who live in small towns, what is the current local controversy all about?”
AskReddit has been blown up with thousands of stories of small-town drama and scandals and the responses did not disappoint.
1. Spiked on and off the court
“Town of about 1800. The girl’s volleyball coach got a DWI. The school’s principal went to pick her up from jail, and was arrested for DWI himself. Somehow it got out that these two (both married) were having an affair.”
2. C is for Catnapper
“A couple lost their cat so they went knocking door to door in our town, and came across their cat crying in a random home’s front window. They call the police who arrive and find 50+ missing cats, along with a fucking graveyard of cats in the garden. Some that had been missing for up to 7 years. It culminated in the catnapper, a 50+ year old woman, stuffing as many cats as she could in a car and going on a police chase through our little town.
Most of the cats were identified and taken home, a very small few went to rescue centres, and the catnapper is currently going under mental health treatment. Apparently she just took home any cat she saw while on a walk for the last 7 years.”
3. Lawn isn’t going to mow itself
“About 2 years ago the mayor of the town I live in got caught drunk driving his lawnmower down main street at around 2 AM about 6 weeks after being elected.”
4. No body, no crime
“A woman known as a pretty awful person disappeared. “Everyone” knows it was probably her husband, but the family owns over 10,000 acres and no body has been found. The rest of her family is ramping up an awareness campaign so should be interesting to see where this all goes.”
5. Flames of shame
“Two years ago there were horrible fires in the valley I live in. Three people burned to death, tons of houses, and businesses lost. We are still recovering. The city decided this statue [below] would be the best way to honor the victims.
The back lights up to look like fire. Yup a statue showing three people on fire is how they wanted to honor the victims.”
6. No horsin’ around
“If the local horse dentist is actually a licenced horse dentist.”
7. Sasquatch sightings
“So our controversy has been resolved…But the town I grew up in had a Beefalo (cow Buffalo cross breed) escape from a slaughter house. It spent months running wild in the wooded areas around town living off whatever it could find to eat. I had friends who were out for drives sending me pictures of their beefalo encounters like it was Sasquatch. This went on for months.”
Learn more about this town’s saga HERE.
“Apparently the history teacher and the female English teacher were having an affair and the only reason anyone found out is because they were both missing for about a half an hour. Someone just happened to go look in the grain bin and they were rolling around naked in a bunch of old grain.
After word got out, the history professor‘s son was in the English teachers class for the rest of the year. Anytime she would ask him to complete an assignment, he would say, “F*** you homewrecker!”
And so that is how he got an A in a class he did nothing in.”
9. All paws in
“Everyone has come together recently because one of our local homeless veterans lost his pet cat. The entire town has banded together to try and find her and even hated enemies are planning out search parties together.”
For those wondering, the town is rallying around the homeless veteran and he has a long-term room at the local Ramada. The cat has not been found yet.
10. Keep rockin’ on
“The eccentric millionaire that owned every building in down town and used them to house his extensive rock collection died like 15 years ago and they still haven’t figured out what to do with all the rocks.”
11. Toliet gardens
“One guy wanted to open a gas station but the property wasn’t zoned for it. The town wouldn’t change it for him, so he put toilets on all of his properties and used them as flower planters.
The town has tried many different strategies to get rid of them, to the point where the made a law and then tried to enforce it. They got their asses sued off and the toilets still stand. To be fair, he keeps them in great condition and replaces any broken ones after storms.”
Read the VICE article about this controversy HERE.
12. Security needed from security
“The school security guard who groomed a 14 year old in to running away with him, and then held her captive for 10 years at his parents house, while still being my 4th grade school security guard, is being released from prison next month after serving a 15 year sentence.”
Read more about this case HERE.
13. Nutcracker Town
“My hometown has decided, in a bizarre bid to increase tourism, to become The Nutcracker Town.
The reason? An older woman donated her nutcracker collection to the historical society. Something like 2,500 nutcrackers. I think because her kids told her flat out they would dispose of them after she died if she did not make alternate arrangements.
So, the town decided, well, they had all these nutcrackers on display. This could be good for tourism. We could be known for something.
People were bewildered and predictably upset. A lot of townsfolk don’t want to be the nutcracker town. All the local businesses have been pressured to buy these giant expensive cardboard nutcrackers from the local print shop. They are terrifying.
There’s been [a] general outcry. Facebook groups, the whole nine yards. And still, the town persists. Still, there are these hollow-eyed giant cartoonish cardboard nutcrackers everywhere you look.”
14. Not so peachy
“The road side produce stand guy is in a feud with a new SECOND produce stand that just opened. The original produce guy trained the new guy for a while apparently then fired him, now the fired guy opened his own spite produce stand.
They got in a fist fight and now the whole town has taken produce stand sides. The mayor and the only police officer in town are also involved and their wives are fighting.”
15. BatDad of the year
“A drunk driver almost hitting a group of trick or treaters on Halloween. He slammed into a parked vehicle inches away from them and the dad that was out with the kids, who was dressed up as Batman, proceeded to haul the guy out of the vehicle, beat the shit out of him and sat on him until the cops arrived to arrest him.
BatDad was the talk of the town for weeks afterwards and received no punishment, and rightfully so.”
16. Annual event
“A lady who has lived in the neighborhood forever has started losing her mind and is stealing lawn ornaments, pots, plants, etc from everyone else’s yard. The police refuse to arrest her because the situation is sad.
So every few months the police host a ‘get back your shit’ event and we just collect our things from her yard. It is surreal but I wish her the best.”
17. ‘Get f***ed Allen’
“Greg bought a old building from the city that he wanted to turn into apartments. Greg was friends with Allen who is on the city council. Allen knew Greg wanted to turn the building into apartments.
Greg buys the building and is then told by Allen that the building is only zoned for commercial and that is not changing. The city will also not buy back the building.
Greg turns building into a adult shop. They sell sex toys, bongs, etc. Outside the shop are banners that say “Get f***ed Allen”, and a whole bunch of middle fingers spray painted on the building.”
18. The red-headed nude man wearing cowboy boots
“About a year ago my hometowns favorite eating establishment burnt down. Lotta people pooled money to get him a new spot. A failing car salesman converted his place to a restaurant and partnered with the beloved restaurant owner. Business was thriving, food was fantastic and it was THE place to get food.
The failing car salesman was talking and then some to the local bicycle behind his wife’s back and was giving her free drinks and the two would stay at the place way beyond closing time.
One of her kids went on her phone and was scrolling and found nudes on her phone of car salesman. The kid sent it to his friends and the friends sent it to even more people. Now basically the entire town has seen this red headed man nude wearing cowboy boots.
Beloved restaurant owner quit and business is no longer booming because he has no cook. Car salesman is getting a divorce and closing the restaurant and this happened only 4 days ago.”
19. Llama on the loose
“There’s a llama on loose in this town. The police can’t catch it. The humane society can’t locate it. And no one is claiming ownership of it. It’s been sighted in several locations on the outskirts of town where there are multiple small farms.
Sometimes it wanders into town and peruses through people’s yards. People have complained to the police who claim they can’t corral it as it’s the Wyle E Coyote of llamas. It just doesn’t want to be caught.”
20. Popular vote
“A local reverend was running for mayor (no one really likes the current mayor) and the reverend died of illness ~3 weeks before the election. There was protesting and people going around town, on the Facebook pages, etc saying to write in the now dead reverend.
He got a few thousand votes and was at like 46% of the votes (don’t remember exact percentage, but close to winning). The thing is, if he won the local bylaws state there is a re-election. The thing is only those 2 ran for mayor, soooo the old mayor would have been written in. Made no sense to me just having moved here, but people are still outraged not enough people went and voted for the reverend who passed away.”
Why would you choose to live anywhere else? Now, go attend a town meeting and then bake a pie for your new neighbors.