Leigh
11.
“I went on a tinder date a couple of months ago on a Sunday afternoon. Met up with the guy around 3, he had really good energy and was funny and complimentary. The place we wanted to go had a long line, so we went to another restaurant on the water for a drink and appetizers. He started slamming down Mai Tais. I had one, he had 3. They were STRONG. Like, I was tipsy borderline drunk off of one. The bar had a 2 mai tai per person limit, but he found another bartender to get his 3rd. He got drunker and drunker and started telling me he loved me, joking at first but getting increasingly serious. As we left he asked me to marry him, I kind of laughed it off, and was like “maybe we take it slow, we just met each other.” He got so mad he stormed off and left me on a street corner. Then as soon as he got home (it was 5 pm) he started texting me “come over.” And “I miss you.”—Transformwthekitchen
12.
“We lived about 25 minutes from each other, so agreed to meet at the beach pier about halfway between. Before meeting, we had been texting and he seemed totally normal. I was already at the pier when he texted me saying he can’t meet me there because his license is revoked and it’s too far for him to walk. I should’ve just left then, but I agreed to meet him at a pizza place closer to him. I get there, and I’m standing outside when I see him, and quickly realize the pics from his profile were at least 3-5 years old. Homeboy looks like the dollar store version of himself. Greasy and looks like he hasn’t showered in days, hair undone, holes in his shirt. I awkwardly give him a side hug and suggest we get a seat, and he says, “Oh, no, we’re not getting pizza. Let’s go to the park.” I awkwardly say okay, and as he talks, I realize his gums and tongue ring are stained black from smoking. By this point, I am completely turned off and am just keeping up with formalities.
So we get to the park and find a bench to talk, and before I can sit down, homie pulls me onto his lap, squeezing me and saying, “God, baby girl, you are so f—king cute.” I awkwardly scootch away and try to get a conversation going. He pulls out his phone and starts texting for a few minutes, not really listening to me, before interrupting with, “Have you smoked? My friend is a plug, we could go back to my place for a bowl.” I decline. “Aw, come on, baby girl, my place is just right there. We could have some fun, too.” I decline again. Next thing you know, he pulls me close by the face and whispers, “You’re so innocent,” before broad-tongued licking my face from chin to ear. Shell-shocked, I just sit there for a moment processing what the f—k just happened as he keeps talking about weed before I decide to fake an urgent phone call and leave.”—grapeflavoredorange
13.
“First date, we went to see a movie. She brought her sister along (without consulting me first) and I somehow ended up paying for both of their tickets. Bit of a doormat, old me. We went to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Turns out, neither of them had seen a Star Wars film before, nor had any idea at all what was going on. Awesome. Date ended at McDonald’s after the movie with one hour+ of her eating fries one at a time, and her sister talking sh—t about basically everyone at her work. To this day I’m not sure what that date was even about. There was no second date.”—D3L7A2
14.
“It ended up being a double date with his mom and her OkCupid date. He told me that he and his mom were a “package deal”. I was mortified and there was no second date.”—McConnells_Neck
15.
“Chatted with this girl for about two weeks. Every conversation went well and eventually, I got her number and she started sharing nudes and speaking dirty. Late on that evening, after a stressful workday she talks me into driving an hour to get coffee with her.
She spends the next hour and a half non-stop talking about her ex and how she has to see him at the bank and all this personal upset ex-girlfriend stuff. She cuts me off anytime I try to speak or changed the subject right back to him. A day later I get a text about how I didn’t do any talking and I was too boring to be anything more than just friends with. She got irate when I pointed out she would not allow me to speak and only wanted to talk about her ex-boyfriend when we have never once had a slow or boring conversation before meeting up.”—greenneckxj
16.
“This girl I matched with just messaged to troll me. I was like “hey what’s up” and she was like “don’t talk to me unless you plan on f—king me with your 9-inch-dick”. I forgot what my reply was but she obviously never messaged back. Then a week later I’m getting McDonald’s and this girl was the one who handed me my food. She recognizes me instantly and just had this total look of fear in her eyes. I walked out of there so quickly. That poor girl thought I purposely sought her out to confront her or something.”—theyoungreezy
17.
“Went on a date after talking to this guy for a few weeks and I told him I was thinking of getting my nose pierced but was afraid it would hurt. We are walking through a park in broad daylight and this dude takes a safety pin out of his pocket and f—king jams it through his nostrils. Blood pours down his face. He laughs and says “see? No big deal.” Dude. W t f.”—CoyoteaParty
18.
“Met a guy—decent conversation, smart, funny, mutual nerdy hobbies. We decide to meet up at the local gamer bar and play some games while having our first date. Get in, sit down, dude has no teeth. Says a hack dentist told him they all had to be removed, couldn’t get dentures due to budget, needed to wait for bone shards go fall out of his gums, etc. Proceeded to spit all over our food while talking, which granted, I knew he couldn’t help, but if he can hide something this big from someone, what else could he be hiding? Plus I couldn’t stomach the thought of making out with someone with no teeth.”—hardcorefuzzybunnies
19.
“Found this really hot woman close by, talked for a bit and went out for pizza then back to her place. A few weeks later I met her kid, who absolutely adored me. Now we live together and have another child. Deleted Tinder. Never again.”—strongishninja
20.
“Not my story, but I knew a guy who had a Freudian slip (more dark side Kermit) bad enough that it ruined everything. I was told this by him after he got home and suffice to say he was like “WHY THE F*CK DID I SAY THAT?!?!”
Date had been going well, and they were walking back to a bus station. They passed a creepy alley, and she said something to the effect of “Wow I would not like to go down that alley”, to which he responded, “I imagine you are very rape-able”. Suffice to say, she ran for the hills and he was mortified. He very much was not a creepy person and had no clue why the hell he said that, nor has he (to the extent of my knowledge) raped anyone. But Christ almighty, do I agree with the girl’s decision to run.”—countpeter
