Emily Duprie
Money and relationships can get messy fast. That’s why it’s always a good idea to be in a position where you can split the cost of most of your main assets. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always work out, and sometimes we find ourselves in a sticky situation we really wish we weren’t in.
One man recently posted to the subreddit “Am I The A-hole?” after he gave his mother a copy of his new house key without his wife’s approval. I say “his” new house because he put the entire thing under his name, despite his wife doing the majority of the heavy lifting to make buying it possible in the first place.
Read the story below, along with some of the top comments, and let us know what you think about this situation. Personally, a certain song lyric to remember BEFORE you get married came to my mind: “If you ain’t no punk, holla we want prenup!”
OP asked Reddit: “AITA for letting my mother have a copy of the key to our new home despite my wife’s objection?”
I (M34) recently bought a one-story house. Note that it was purchased solely by me, my wife did not help save for it (I started saving for it before I even met her) and it’s in my name.
When my parents threw us a party for this happy occasion, mom asked for a copy of the key in case of an emergency. I let her have it which made my wife upset. She didn’t say anything at the time but she waited til we were alone and started arguing with me saying I shouldn’t have let my mother have a copy of the key. I said “why?!” Since my mother is known to respect privacy and is a very trusted member in the family.
She said that she does not feel “comfortable” with the idea of someone else, who’s not a resident to have a copy of the key. She also brought up how my mother didn’t pay a penny towards the house so this should “disqualify her” from getting the key. I said it was not a big deal but she kept persisting saying I need to take the key back.
Quite frankly, this had me fuming. I pointed out that I’m the one who bought the house and it’s my decision to decide who gets to have a copy of the key end of story. She screamed at me saying that “technically” she did contribute towards the house savings back when she used to pay for our rent and daily expenses while I saved money. I told her that she was acting as if I put my mom’s name on the title which’s ridiculous but she said that I have no respect for her opinions and keep undermining her input.
We’ve been going back and forth on it since then. She’s now “letting me know” that if I don’t take the key back then she’ll do it herself. I think she’s being irrational and unreasonable acting like that over a copy of the house key. This decision I made could save us in case of an emergency but she kept downplaying it.
OP added an edit to the post, stating that his wife and mother had no previous conflict.
E.T.A I think it’s crucial to mention that there’s no conflict between my mother and my wife. They’re on near perfect terms, alright? I thought that I’ve already established that above.
After reading this story, I had some mixed emotions and a few questions. Was the wife not allowed to have a key also and that’s why she was so fed up? Or perhaps she has unspoken tension with OP’s mother and really doesn’t want her to have access to their space?
To me, and based on my own experience, it’s perfectly normal to give a parent a house key, especially if they’re trust-worthy and respect your boundaries. It seems that OP’s judgment won’t come from the decision to give his mother the key, but the fact that he claims his wife made no contributions to the new house, even though she paid his half of the rent beforehand so OP could “save.”
OP was voted as the “A-hole.” Some Redditors even shared their own personal stories to explain why this was. Check out the top comments below:
