Ruin My Week
Parents homeschooling their kids have discovered something educators have been saying for years—teachers have it pretty rough. Teachers don’t just have to plan lessons, educate kids, and deal with parents, they also have to be full-time babysitters for 30+ kids at once. Watching dozens of students with only two eyeballs is daunting, and—let’s face it—kids are pretty crafty. That means the little ones are occasionally gonna get their grubby hands on something they definitely shouldn’t have. It could be some stolen supplies, it could be drugs—it could even be a living creature.
Redditor u/poprockreaper asked on r/AskReddit, “Teachers of Reddit. What’s the coolest thing you’ve confiscated off a child?” The responses are a mix of funny, terrifying, and weird things, but I have a feeling the kids are alright.
1.
Took a pair of handcuffs during second period today. Got a lot of grief when I walked into the office with them… —Cantharellusformosus
2.
A kid in my class had a Bb Gun. The VP noticed it as he crossed the room. He took it out of the bag and was giving the kid a bollocking when he shot himself in the hand with it.
VP went mental and smashed it off the table.
Kids parents supposedly demanded the VP compensated them for said gun. —Bonneville555
3.
Educational assistant, but whatever. A makeshift taser. This kid had rigged up a “taser” using a couple of 9v batteries, wire, tape, and some sort of button from what could have been a toy.
It wasnt dropping kids, but it was enough to make you jump. I was impressed, but also wanted to pull the little shits arms off and slap the snot out of him with his own arms because he kept stabbing girls in the chest with it. Middle school kids are a weird point where they are too smart for children, but are certainly not human. —magnummentula
4.
One of my teachers took my yo-yo and tried to do a trick she “once knew” and smashed a window. —Bubblykit
5.
A redback spider from the gently closed palm of a 7 year old boy’s hand, almost every recess for a month before I figured out a way to make him stop. He was never bitten. —elliedogsmum
6.
Scorpion in a jar.
The kid had put in leaves, twigs and even some smaller bugs for it to eat, made a real habitat.
HOWEVER, he was clumsy as hell and had a top locker above a concrete floor. No way I was going to risk him smashing the jar and letting it loose in corridor.
Gave it back to him at the end of the day with very clear instructions it was not to return to school.
ETA: Yes I am in Australia, but in the south so wasn’t a particularly venomous scorpion, the sting would have caused about the same level of irritation as a bee sting (as for someone non-allergic). —HappiHappiHappi
7.
Live Dragonflies.
He was a little 4 year old boy that would never listen to any of the rules and generally just cause a lot of trouble. Anyway, he would catch dragonflies, without harming them. When you told him to release them he would open his backpack and 2 or 3 dragonflies would fly out. —plzupvoteme
8.
I took six bullets off of a first grader. When I asked him where he got them, he said from the gun. I then asked how he got them out of the gun and he made the movement with his hands that showed he ejected the shells. I took him to the office. While he was there, I checked his bookbag to see if he had a gun in there. Nope, just a baggie full of credit cards with 15 different names on them. Nothing happened to the child or parent. —lobstahslayah
9.
Well this is my f*cking time to shine. My coworker and I had a mild prank war going on. Somehow, the students caught wind and decided to instigate by stealing things from his room and taking it to mine and vice-versa. Here are some of the things I’ve had to take from them and return to him:
His car keys
His entire desktop computer
Portraits of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson
Pumpkins from his Halloween decorations
His desk chair
His car keys again
A student desk
His travel mug with his name on it
At this point I’m convinced my coworker just doesn’t want his car
And somehow, in the five minutes between his class and mine, they managed to flip all the desks in his classroom upside down. I’m not making this up. —theoreticaldickjokes
10.
I was the kid: an imitation gun that used to belong to my grandfather. The thing was ancient, and was a simple single shot percussion cap pistol. The more I think about it as an older, less stupid person, the more I worry that it was an actual gun, since he was a policeman. Never got it back, that’s for sure. —anotherjakeenglish
