Kate Hackett
Today we have a series of tales that hail from a story by u/eyelinerschmeyeliner over on Reddit about taking up space as a woman.
Women tend to move out of the way of men on the sidewalk; there seems to be an unwritten expectation that we will dart our eyes and dip out of your path while you barrel forward with no respect whatsoever for our own space.
This Reddit thread of women opening up about their own experiences darting out of the way is really eye-opening; maybe next time you’re out and about, you’ll move to the side for a woman.
1. Not today, Satan
This just happened and I’m on mobile so between mobile formatting and adrenaline-fueled stream-of-conscious writing, you’ll have to pardon any errors and ramblings.
I live in a busy city and people walk here. On a beautiful day like today, the sidewalk gets extremely crowded. I am not disrespectful of this. I walk with my dog but I keep her on a very short leash so she stays by my side. I follow the rules of the sidewalk and stay to the right with her away from people. (And to be honest, when you have a dog, most people have the wherewithal to give you a little extra space)
So today I am walking my dog through a particularly unaware group of people. It’s hot and I’m ready to be home. I’m still polite waiting to pass people as appropriate and I finally get to clear sidewalk so I can speed up and get home. Phew.
Walking towards me are two ~6ft tall WASPy AF dudes drinking iced coffees that I’m sure cost $6+.They are walking next to each other on a piece of sidewalk maybe 4ft wide and I am speed-walking towards them on the right of the sidewalk. Usually in a situation like this, a mix of two things happen: polite groups will naturally move one behind the other to stay to their side of the sidewalk and for narrow passes (and from decades of trying to not take up space) I will tuck my shoulder or maybe pull to the side to accommodate. But this wasn’t a narrow pass. And they were NOT a polite duo. And I am done apologizing for taking up space. We all just know that for their whole lives, women (and short people) have accommodated them. But Yknow what? Not today Satan.
2. Just enough
I did somewhat the same thing in the grocery store.
A woman and two men were having a discussion in the frozen food aisle. I was the only other customer in the aisle and walking toward them.
Did anybody move as I approached? No. Did I change my trajectory to accommodate them taking up the whole aisle? No. I walked up to then and said, “Excuse me,” and made them get out of the way.
I’d just had enough that day, too.
3. Just GO.
I saw a video once that addresses this. It basically said to look right through them, don’t acknowledge they’re there. I’ve tried this in busy malls I just look where I’m going and 9/10 times people move out of my way.
4. Room for us all
I have never thought about how frequently I shrink for others to pass me. I always feel guilty taking up space and will apologize if it’s my fault or not. This has inspired me. No more apologies for existing. There is room for all of us.
5. And now she’s a bitch
This happened to me sans coffee, when I was in a huge college (30k+). I was walking to work on a fairly wide sidewalk and was already on the right side, by myself, with plenty of space on my left side for the other direction of traffic. Yet 2 men took up over half of it walking opposite of me, and I didn’t move, i pretended to be on my phone and ignore them (since again, I was FULLY on the right side, not in any normal person’s way).
The one dude ran into me and called me a bitch, and his friend called me a cunt. I hadn’t done anything except keep to myself. I just hadn’t moved out of my own space for them.
6. Feels good
It does feel good to take up space! And I don’t mean more than your share I just mean regular space allotted to us and that men often take without a second thought.
At a concert the other day it was assigned seating and I was in my seat early, relaxed and had my elbow on the right arm rest. The left arm rest was taken by someone else which is totally fine, we should all get one. The guy to my right showed up and normally I’d have removed my arm to make more space for the larger person but then I’d have nowhere to rest at all. So I stayed and it felt great. He still got his single arm rest on the other side but not both, I get one too.
7. No, sir
I did this on an airplane once. I was in the middle seat, trying to get just one armrest, and dude in the window seat was trying to take both. I wouldn’t give up but he shoved my arm over to half the armrest. Which is like, what, 2 centimeters, for half the thing? Unbelievable. I pushed back and ignored his repeated dirty looks. I didn’t feel brave enough to say anything.
8. It’s for everyone!
I stopped moving out of the way after two suit dudes walking side by side forced me off of the sidewalk and into the snow when I was heavily pregnant and carrying a toddler. No more. Now when my kids try to get small or pull us out of the way I cheerfully say “Don’t walk on the grass, sweetie. The sidewalk is for everyone!”
9. Yikes.
I did this once and then heard a beer bottle smash at my heels (ie, it was thrown at me a few seconds later.) I am glad I didn’t slow down or turn back but I was afraid to wear the same outfit in that area for months.
10. Wasn’t this the norm??
What’s so bizarre is that I imagine decades and decades ago, men would have been taught to be gentleman to make space for ladies, and would naturally give way to allow them to pass. I don’t know when the transition happened between then and now, but clearly men are no longer taught to be aware of their size and the amount of space they take and to be courteous towards other people and to at least meet them halfway some of the time.
11. Becoming invisible
Good for you. I don’t know your age but I’m old enough to have noticed that arrogant pricks become more frequent the older/more “invisible” I’ve become. I never bow out of their way if it’s evident that it would be easier for them to make way.
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12. Chicken
I was walking down the sidewalk the other day. A man turned into the sidewalk I was already on. He was walking in my path towards me as I continued in my same path towards him. I didn’t back down. He did. I consider this a game of sidewalk chicken and won.
13. I don’t get it!
I get this happening a lot with my walker or chair. It’s hard to move out of the way quickly. So I don’t. My mom is always saying “get out of their way” no. I will not. It’s easy as fuck for them to move 2feet to the left. Err Arg!
14. Fucker moved
Had a man try to mow me down on a narrow pavement when my husband had already dropped behind me on the left(I’m Aussie, we walk on the left) . He and his wife wanted it all, wanted us to move onto the grass.
No, I didn’t, and I stared him in the eye as I squared my shoulders to run into him if need be.
The fucker moved. We’d already given half, I wasn’t going to give all.
15. Don’t apologize
The amount of times I have apologized when someone else hit me, trod on me, or similar is absolutely infuriating. I hate that politeness has been so ingrained in us.
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16. Do not stop
I learned to assert my physical presence while waiting tables. Some guys would just barrel into you with a full tray if you didn’t watch out and then shout at you. Fuck that. I started asserting my space and one day it became a bit of a conflict. A very tall, muscular guy decided not to share the road, so to speak, and was super mad that he dropped a bread basket when we collided.
“Watch where you’re going!” He yelled.
“Stay to the right!” I yelled back.
“I WAS WALKING!” he bellowed.
“WHAT WAS I DOING – LEVITATING? MOVE, GIGANTOR!”
The manager told us to stop yelling, told him to stay to the right in the flow of traffic, and told me to stop antagonizing the guys.
But I did not stop. And it was fun.
17. Shoulder check
I recently started doing this, the amount of times men will absolutely REFUSE to even slow down or step to the side is astounding. I’ve shoulder checked more dudes in the past 2 months than my whole life and they always look at me like I’m the problem. And those guys are the same ones who pull the whole “lAdIeS fIrsT, I’m a gentleman” bullshit. Okay then fucking move 🙃
18. Into the wall??
I did the same once, 4 people wide walking towards me, one arm touching the wall next to me, the other knocking one of them over. They got shitty I asked them how much further do you want me to move??? Into the fucking wall?
19. Surprise MFer!
Girl, yes! I’m 5’ tall and small—I stay in my lane, and if you are coming toward me in it, I’ll hunker into myself like a linebacker before I move. Wow, are the men shocked.
And only the men—women don’t do that.
20. Stop and wait
In order to not run into someone and have to share the blame for a collision, I will simply stop and stand still until the guy passes. Then he either runs into me which is then 100% his fault or else he moves to his side of the sidewalk. To be fair, usually the guy moves, but with a perplexed look as if, “What just happened?”
