Jason Mustian
I can’t speak for all guys, but I can tell you this—most “good guys” aren’t hiding it.
You don’t have to date someone for three months before you see the signs. In fact, the little things he does in the first few minutes say a lot.
None of these are hard rules, obviously, but when I look at my friends who seem happiest in their relationships, I’ve noticed they line up with what psychologists point to when they study trust, attraction, and relationship longevity.
Here’s what to pay attention to when you meet a guy who might actually be worth your time.
1. He actually listens when you talk
Imagine that. A guy who listens.
And no, I don’t just mean nodding along while waiting for his turn. Real listening means he’s asking follow-up questions and reacting to what you said—not just what he wants to say next. He doesn’t pull out his phone mid-story.
According to research on active listening, people who make you feel heard build trust faster and form stronger connections. And trust is basically the backbone of every healthy relationship.
If he can stay present for a casual conversation over coffee, there’s a better chance he’ll show up in bigger ways later. And yes, I’m saying “later” on purpose—because the first few minutes aren’t about sweeping gestures. They’re about whether he can actually make you feel seen.
2. His body language is open
Arms uncrossed, shoulders relaxed, and leaning in slightly—these are subtle but powerful cues. Open body language signals comfort, confidence, and a lack of defensiveness.
Psychologists have studied how posture affects first impressions for decades, and the verdict is clear: people read it as honesty and warmth. The opposite—crossed arms, avoiding eye contact—can feel like he’s already building walls.
A guy who’s comfortable in his own skin doesn’t need to “power pose” or puff himself up. His natural stance will invite you into the conversation instead of making you feel like you’re talking through a locked door.
3. He remembers small details you mention
You might mention you hate mushrooms or that your dog’s name is Penny. A good guy will file that away—not because he’s keeping score, but because he’s paying attention.
This shows genuine interest, and according to memory and attention research, we tend to remember details about people we value. That’s a subtle sign he’s not just marking time until the next topic about himself.
If he references something you said five minutes ago, that’s a good indicator he’ll remember bigger things later—like birthdays, boundaries, or the way you take your coffee.
4. He makes space for you to speak
Some people dominate the conversation without realizing it. A good guy will pause, give you room, and actually seem interested in what you fill that space with.
It’s not about being quiet—it’s about creating balance. The conversation flows both ways without feeling like a competition. And in early interactions, this is rare enough to notice.
If he’s able to let you finish your thought without jumping in, that’s a sign he’s tuned in to more than just himself. It’s a small moment that tells you a lot about how he’ll navigate disagreements or deeper talks later.
5. He treats strangers with respect
It’s one of the oldest pieces of dating advice for a reason. How someone talks to a barista, server, or rideshare driver says more about them than how they talk to you.
Research on moral character shows that consistent prosocial behavior—especially toward people with no “status advantage”—is a strong indicator of empathy. This isn’t about performative kindness; it’s about whether respect is his default setting.
If he can be polite when there’s nothing to gain, he’s more likely to be decent when life gets messy.
6. He’s comfortable with silence
Awkward silences aren’t always a bad thing. A guy who can sit in a moment without scrambling to fill it shows confidence and self-assurance.
According to social psychology, people who fear silence often do so because they’re uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. A good guy sees a pause as part of the rhythm, not a problem to solve.
If you can share a few quiet seconds without feeling tension, you’re seeing a glimpse of emotional security—a trait that makes long-term connections a lot smoother.
7. He owns his opinions without steamrolling yours
He can say what he thinks without turning it into a debate or trying to “win” the conversation. That balance—standing firm while making space for different perspectives—is a green flag in any relationship.
Psychologists link this to high emotional intelligence, which is strongly correlated with better communication and lower conflict. A guy like this won’t crumble when challenged, and he won’t need to control every narrative.
You walk away knowing he’s confident enough to be himself, but not so rigid that he can’t meet you halfway.
8. He doesn’t make it a performance
Some guys try too hard to prove they’re “good.” They over-share about charity work, name-drop mutual connections, or force jokes every other sentence.
A genuine guy is steady. He’s not scanning your reaction after every sentence or adjusting his personality to match yours. This comes off as authenticity, which research shows is one of the most attractive traits in early interactions.
When there’s no obvious “act” to maintain, you can focus on the real connection instead of trying to see through the performance.
9. He can laugh at himself
Not in a self-deprecating way that screams insecurity, but in a way that says, “Yeah, I’m human.” This shows humility and comfort with imperfection.
Studies on humor and attraction suggest that people who can poke fun at themselves tend to have better coping skills and less ego-driven conflict. It’s disarming in the best way.
If he can own a misstep or laugh about spilling his coffee without spiraling, he’s showing you he can handle life’s smaller messes—which says a lot about the bigger ones.
10. He doesn’t rush the moment
Some guys jump to big declarations or start future-tripping five minutes in. A good guy stays present. He’s not mapping out your wedding or asking invasive questions about your past right away.
According to relationship psychology, pacing matters. Early restraint shows he’s not operating from scarcity or trying to fast-track intimacy for the wrong reasons.
If he seems content to just share the time without pushing it forward, that’s a sign he’s more interested in building something real than securing a quick win.