People cheat all the time—and frankly, there’s no good excuse for it. It doesn’t even help when they’re funny cheating excuses! You can blame society’s wildly moralistic nature, years of childhood trauma, or the fact that your partner is plain ol’ boring — but most of the time it actually just boils down to you being a selfish jerk.
But whatever you’re gonna blame your nasty cheating ways on, it’d better be good. And by good, we mean so ridiculous and stupid it ends up being roasted on Twitter.
Judging by one thread based off of a tweet which posed the question, “What’s the funniest excuse for cheating someone has given you?” there are a LOT of morons out there. A lot of cheaters offer up seriously lame — but creative! — excuses to their partners (presumably their ex’s, now) regarding their cheating ways. From people blaming their own partners for not keeping a better “check” on them to claiming God told them it was their destiny (DESTINY, you guys) to cheat, people have come up with all sorts of bonkers “reasons” for their infidelity.
Major kudos to the loser who told their ex that Satan had a hold on them and had used his body and mind to have sex with someone else. Cool story, bro!
The only real silver lining here is that, after all the pain and sorrow that cheating causes, there’s now an eternal digital thread dedicated to making fun of all these idiots. And hey — if you’ve been cheated on, why not add your name to the list and let the rest of the Internet troll and insult them?
What’s the funniest excuse for cheating someone has given you? I’ll go. My ex told me he cheated on me because I had a driving phobia.
— tess (@that1mum) December 4, 2019
My ex said it was bc he “was hoping Id realize I was destined to be nothing more than a housewife.” He told me this & that he’d cheated, while at my graduation, where I was graduating w my masters from an Ivy League. Ive already been more successful since then than he’ll ever be.
— ⎊ TESS ⎊ 🛡 #SobbleSquad (@roughtess) December 6, 2019
My ex told me he sent a dick pic to his ex gf on accident bc he was having a seizure https://t.co/tEJZHyDtpp
— Mkay 💫 (@___MichaelaA__) December 5, 2019
he said my head was “too small” in comparison to his and he was worried that he’d always have to stand behind me in pictures???
— celine (@fl0werchildren) December 4, 2019
I was very sick in bed in the other room, he invited a touring band over to stay the night, he came to check on me twice, told me this girl had a bf and to chill out, then I walked in on them in my own house. she didn’t have a bf and clearly it didn’t matter anyway.
— regina (@_______odd) December 4, 2019
he cheated because he thought i needed the trauma for my character development… this is not a joke he was a poet/writer
— (@B1TCHj) December 5, 2019
The other girl bought him a Jimmy Johns sandwich so he had to pay her back somehow ♀️
— katherine (@Kat_Dombroski) December 4, 2019
girl had the same name AND birthday as me, said she reminded him of me… no shit, honey
— Kaitlyn (@kaitlynosborn_) December 4, 2019
“you are too easy to love” and it scared him…I still don’t understand lol.
— (@_miniracer) December 4, 2019
he said he forgot we were dating
— (@JupiterDreamCo) December 5, 2019
my ex told me he was sex deprived and scientifically that justified him sleeping around
— Abby Govindan (@abbygov) December 4, 2019
“I cheated on you because you accused me of it”
— Lyss (@wtf_lyss) December 4, 2019
he didn’t blame it on me but one of his excuses for disappearing one night was he had a heart attack and was in the hospital
— elizabeth warren stan account (@lanzo0rtega) December 4, 2019
Bc “I wanted him to change and I didn’t except his flaws.” He was on heroin ♀️
— KareBear (@karicallison13) December 4, 2019
I had an ex literally tell me God was telling him to cheat and that it was his destiny to do it.
— christina (@chrismayf) December 4, 2019
“It was a birthday present so it doesn’t count”
— Ryan Ⓥ (@SarahRyanHolzer) December 4, 2019
Oh! Also, he thought I was going through his phone so he wanted to do something for me to actually find
— ashley (@atuckzz) December 4, 2019
She “forced him to take her number” and he “only went to the movies with her to tell her he had a gf”
— AliRueFit (@aliruefit) December 4, 2019
My ex cheated on me because he didn’t know if we were still dating after I didn’t text him for 10 hours because I was sleeping https://t.co/lbM9J1RnVf
— Lexi ☼ (@amanwarren98) December 5, 2019
He said “I did it because you don’t go through my phone. I need that to keep me in check” because I never went on or through his phone 🤦🏼♀️
— Ari (@ariannacyrene) December 4, 2019
My ex from PA said I wasn’t worth the drive anymore (i lived in Michigan) but then turns out she was cheating on me for months with a girl from Canada. Here’s the kicker, SHE HAD TO DRIVE THROUGH MY STATE FIRST NEAR MY CITY AND CROSS A BOARDER FOR THIS CHICK.
— Jessica (@JessaFer94) December 5, 2019