Patricia Grisafi
When you’re a parent, you want to make sure your children are taken care of — no matter what.
Sometimes that includes ensuring that they are set up for life with finances or home if you are financially privileged.
One Redditor who is planning to get married to a man with a 15-year-old daughter feels blindsided by the fact that this daughter in fact owns the house he lives in, as it belonged to her deceased mother and left to her.
He said they would need to purchase a new house, and the OP lost it.
OP begins her post:
“My (28F) fiancé (38M) proposed to me last week, we’ve been dating for 2 years, he has a 15 yo daughter from a previous marriage, her mom passed again 5 years ago, and I have a 6 yo son. When my fiancé and I started to date, I noticed that his daughter had the master bedroom, I found it weird because I’ve never seen a child taking over the master bedroom before, but he brushed it off saying that the house was ‘hers’ so it was normal she slept there, with no further explanation, I thought he meant as in inheritance from when he passed away which still was weird because he was alive, but either way, I didn’t say anything because we were only beginning and I knew it wasn’t my business,” the OP writes.
“Now that we’re engaged, I said that I wanted to move here to live together for a while before we decided the wedding date, he said that we could do it or we could get our own house now because we will have to do it regardless, I asked what was wrong with this one and he said nothing, but that it was her daughter’s, to be honest now I did get a little mad, I said it wasn’t fair he called it his daughter’s when we were about to get marry and he was supposed to adopt my son, so now the house should be theirs and not only hers, I also said I wanted his daughter out of the master because it was ours.”
“He got a little nervous and said that the house really belonged to his late wife and when she passed, the house became his daughters. He has enough money for maybe 60% of a house, but that we will have to pay off the rest together, I was shocked and said that he could ask her daughter for the house because she’s only 15 and he is her dad but he said no, that it was her daughters.”
“I got angry and called him a jerk because he should’ve told me the truth before and he said that it’s not like we will be homeless or anything, we still have 3 years and maybe 4 after that because his daughter will leave for college, he said he has always known he has to move out and that’s why he saved. I asked what else belonged to his daughter that I didn’t know of and he said that his car (a 2020 KIA) the car that I always use will be hers when she leaves for college. I called him a jerk again and left with my son to my parents house. When I told my family my brother laughed because I talked and acted like a gold digger and called me an AH. I felt betrayed and lied, am I really TA? I think I’m justified.”
What do Redditors think?
“YTA. He told you the house belonged to his daughter. That you chose to not ask what he meant and assumed he really owned it is your own fault. You deceived yourself. It is her inheritance from her dead mother, and you want a share of it. The girl has already lost her mother, but that’s not enough – now you’re demanding a share of her inheritance go to people the mother never even met. How can you think that’s reasonable,” asked
“She simply assumed he meant something else and did not probe further if confused, I can not see how this is the fiance’s fault?? His daughter, as you said, has already lost her Mother who gave her a nice start in life…at the loss of her Mother though. So the fiance is able to put in 60% on a house (which isn’t too shabby, how/why would it again be assumed without discussion that he owns the current house outright with no mortgage?), but more importantly, where is OP’s contribution to anything?? OP doesn’t even own her own car (nothing wrong with that) but this is what finally made her lose it and leave to her parents home, because the car she is using/borrowing is an inherited item and will be leaving with the daughter. Lastly, to have the nerve to even imply, let alone ask, for the daughter’s belongings or money is 100% out of line. A hard YTA,” said
“YTA, it sounds like his wife did the right thing to insure that her daughter always has a home – considering you’re now trying to push her out of it. Edit: My parents are split, and I’m the youngest – both parents agreed that the house goes to me and since the divorce the house has been put under my name. Not my dads, why? Because it insured that I will have a home to live in if anything happens to them, and my father always said that if he ever dates or remarries – his future partner will NOT be pushing me out because I was here first. This is MY home that I grew up in, obviously it will be mine and no one else’s. Sounds like your fiancés wife did the same thing, but since she’s deceased – she won’t be able to make sure her child will be okay. So she did the one thing that she could to make sure that her daughter WILL be okay. And she did a great job,” explained
YTA: I don’t understand how it’s lies and betrayal? He did tell you, you just thought it meant something different. You didn’t ask for clarification, he didn’t offer it, probably a mistake on both sides as you should have had that talk before getting engaged. It’s a weird situation for sure but you can’t just take his daughter’s house from her so YTA for that. Sure you aren’t getting what you thought you were getting in terms of living space after marriage but it’s that the only reason you were with him? If so then, yeah you do sound like a gold digger. If not then talk to him. There’s a lot of talking it seems like you are missing before you get married so may as well start now,” said
The OP edited the post to explain that the relationship seems to have gone up in smoke after that interaction: “ETA: he saw the post and asked for his ring back, I guess this isn’t a problem anymore.”
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