So my worst date was bad enough that I faked a migraine so I could go home; it wasn’t, like, abusive or whatever, it was just boring AF. I fake that migraine, I get in my car, I drive home… and wouldn’t you know, boom. A real migraine.
u/givemeyourfreefood recently asked Reddit:
“What’s the worst date you ever had?”
And the answers left me shook.
1. Death
We were out on a date, we had been seeing each other for a while, close to a year maybe. She gets a phone call. Suddenly she looks destroyed. Her fiance had just died in a motorcycle accident.
2. DUI
Got set up on a blind date once between mutual friends. She shows up to the restaurant already a little tipsy, orders multiple appetizers and only takes like one or two bites from each one. Then she proceeds to order 3 or 4 more drinks and is visibly drunk at this point. She gets up and says she’s going to the bathroom and staggers off. About 15-20 minutes go by so I try to call her several times but no answer. Finally I decide to pay the check and just leave. About 2 hours later I’m sitting at home and I get a call from an unknown number. It’s the police department. She was picked up on a DUI on her way home after she ditched me and gave the cops my number to see if I could go bail her out!
3. Stolen Car
Came out from a movie, late at night, and date’s Camaro was stolen. Apparently, he called his WIFE (that I did not know he had) and let her know where he was and what happened. She showed up and realized he was on a date! She started chasing ME around the parking lot telling me she was going to kill me. Saved by the cops who showed up just in time to take the auto theft report.
4. Divorced
My wife wanted to plan our 13th wedding anniversary. I was excited because usually I plan it. She bought us some new disc golf discs and after a quick supper we went to play. We hadn’t played in forever. We were laughing and I had a great time.
She served me with divorce papers and told me that date was a test to see if she still had feelings for me. I also learned that she was having an affair that started well before our anniversary.
5. IS that funny?
Met a girl through a dating site and we agreed to meet up for dinner. I learned very quickly that this girl had absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever. I don’t even think she cracked a smile the entire night. The date just got more and more painful as the night went on. At one point, we were talking about online dating. She told me about a friend of hers that went out on a first date with a guy online. She said this crazy guy fell absolutely in love with her friend and said he wanted to marry her. So I said “Oh, well, I guess I shouldn’t have picked up this engagement ring on the way here, then!” She just stared at me blankly and said “That’s not funny.”
Yes, it is. Fuck you.
6. Peasant
I was brought up in Poland by Polish parents (university professors) , went to a Polish school, Polish university etc.
Then I had a date with an American man whose grandmother was Polish. He grilled me on the language and criticized my pronunciation and corrected my grammar. This from a guy whose Polish vocabulary was maybe 100 words. He told me I speak like a peasant.
7. What the actual F?
Not necessarily a date but a person I was dating invited me to his parent’s house for the afternoon. He wanted to introduce me to them and show me the house he grew up in. I thought it was super sweet and had no problems going. He was also in the middle of moving and needed to pick up a few things, so it really didn’t seem that unusual.
Yeah, we got there and it was awful. His entire family was there. They traveled from hours away too. This was not just meeting the parents, it was meeting the ENTIRE family. Even worse? At some point, this jackass told his parents that he had proposed. We had been dating TWO months.
I spent the entire afternoon dumbfounded and just playing along. We were two hours from home and I had no cell service, no way to leave at all. We ended up spending the afternoon brainstorming wedding ideas and planning an Alaskan honeymoon that his parents planned to gift us. His brother even called to say congratulations!
We drove back to his apartment in silence. When we got there, I got in my car and left, didn’t even bother grabbing my stuff. Weirdest experience ever. I have no idea how he broke it to his parents that we weren’t getting married.
8. Into the girl
It was a double date. She was more interested talking to the other girl throughout the whole thing. Found out later from the other guy that his girl cheated on him with my date.
9. She DIED
I talked to a girl on Tinder 8 years ago. She got drunk and told me to come over because her and friends were playing strip poker. I was on overnight duty so sadly I could not partake. 30 minutes later i recieve a picture on my phone that i couldn’t even make out. I handed my phone to my roomate and asked if he could figure it out. He says “dude. Thats a butthole.” It surely was. She had taken a picture of her butthole from at measly 0.5 inches away and it was so close up i could barely tell what it was. I thought to myself if this is how she leads the rest has to be great! (Spoiler alert: was wrong.)
She tells me we should finally meet next weekend. At applesbees. I meet her there and she looks BEAT. Like she had just run 5 triathalons and been awake for a week straight. Not 3 minutes into meeting and sitting down she says she has to use the restroom. She doesnt come back for 30min+. The waiter comes up and says he has seen her here multiple times and she has been known to shoot up heroin in the bathroom and pass out. Im very not into this at this point but for her own safety i ask if a waitress could peak in the bathroom and see if she is okay. She was not. She OD’d and died. So that was a thing.
TLDR: my tinder date showed me her butthole then OD’d and died at Applebee’s.
10. Solo food
I smoked a lot of weed at the time and had a date with a girl I met on OKCupid who was 420 friendly. she told me to bring some with me, so we met at a Mexican restaurant at 7:30 and smoked in my car before going in. As soon as we finished the bowl, she was like “Oh I forgot, I have work at 8 tonight, bye.” So she either went through all that effort to get smoked out one time, or she lemon law’d me but still wanted to bum a smoke session off me.
Either way, I was high as fuck and wasn’t going to not get some enchiladas, so I went in and got a table for one.
11. Not 16
Girl I met online claimed to be 24, turned out to be 16.
Fortunately I figured it out before anything crazy happened but man…talk about dodging a bullet.
12. Random Party, NOT invited
I was 21 and met a guy at my summer job who was 20. He was a super sweet guy and we got along great when we worked the same shifts together. Eventually he asked me out on a date Saturday night, and I said sure. He said we would go out to dinner, hang out around town, etc. I was really excited because he seemed like a great guy and I never went on many dates.
I pull up to his house and he comes out with like 3 other guys. They all jump in my car and I’m like, oh, hello? And they say they want to have a party that night and started directing me around to all the local liquor stores so I could buy alcohol for them. I was a shy, self-conscious girl with low self-esteem and I was always a people pleaser who didn’t stand up for myself, so I obliged. I drove these little assholes around town, picking up alcohol for them while they sat in the car, feeling like a complete and utter idiot the whole time.
When we got back to my “friend’s” house, and I parked and started taking off my seatbelt, they started laughing at me, like “who said you were invited?”. I was totally non-confrontational so I just said, okay, see you later, they hopped out of my car, took the alcohol with them, and I drove home, totally burning in embarrassment.
I had a shift with the guy a few days later and he never even acknowledged it. Neither did I. But our vibe obviously changed dramatically. I never saw him again after that summer.
13. Catfished
I got catfished we talked for hours and when it came time to pick her up I CLEARLY saw it wasn’t the person I thought I was talking to… I just gunned it and sped off.
14. She’s 33
When I was in college many years ago, before the advancement of cell phones and social media, I was chatting with a girl I met on a BBS who lived on Long Island, NY. I was 18 at the time, but lied and said I was 22 because she said she was 25. We spent a few weeks emailing each other, as well as calling each other. We even exchanged pics. When we finally met up, things blew up. Turns out we both lied about our ages: She was really 33, and lied because she thought she looked younger. She admitted she sent a college photo to me. We still had dinner together, but it was awkward as hell. We never spoke again.
15. Attempted Murder
Got set up on a blind date by some friends several years before my wife and I started dating. The date was early September and we met in a restaurant in the city. It was a nice place, the kind where the wait staff wear dress shirts, ties, etc. I was in a nice suit and tie, she showed up in jeans, flip flops, and a hoody. I jokingly said something along the lines of “I’m assuming they didn’t tell you this place is sort of snooty?” she goes “They did. I didn’t give a fuck. I aint shaving my legs and putting on some fancy dress for some guy who I don’t even know if I want to even touch his dick, let alone if I’m willing to let him between my legs.” I just stared at her in disbelief. She then said “I mean, you seem nice and all. But I aint in the mood to do all that work when I can just go home and do it myself.” I asked her to keep her voice down and she goes “WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP MY VOICE DOWN?! YOU AFRAID PEOPLE WILL HERE ME TALKING ABOUT GOING HOME AND FUCKING MYSELF WITH MY VIBRATOR INSTEAD OF LETTING YOU COME BACK AND FUCK ME?!” I just stood up, walked over to the waiter, paid for the drink I had while waiting, apologized to them for her outbursts and said “Blind date… I’m not sticking around” and left.
I did hear from our mutual friends that she later got married to some guy, stabbed him on their anniversary a few years later, and is now in jail for attempted murder. They were like “Yeah, we always knew she was kinda crazy.” Ya fucking think?!
16. Moving in
Tinder date. She looked nothing like her picture while not ugly just completely different. Picked the worst restaurant in town which I looked past because everyone has different taste. we came back to my house and complained about not showing affection or touching her so I started touching her and then got mad about ohhh wanting a hook up which I didn’t, but the final straw was when she decided she didn’t like my house which I had just bought and was Proud of. she immediately wanted to go to home depot to buy stuff to start remodeling. It was by far my worst and weirdest date and I hope she found a house to remodel
17. Fill me in?
Went out with a girl when we were probably 13 or 14. We went to see Inception. She gets up to go to the bathroom, but doesn’t come back for a long time. Eventually I go look for her, and the guy behind the concession stand looks at me and gives me the most pitying look I’ve ever received, and points around the corner. Where I found her making out with another guy. I should have walked out but instead I went back to my seat to watch the rest of the movie. She returned and asked me to fill her in on the last hour of INCEPTION OF ALL THE DAMN MOVIES TO MISS THE MIDDLE OF. Also, because that wasn’t enough, after the movie, I wasn’t sure what bus to take home, and she pointed me to the wrong bus (I don’t think this was intentional, they were right next to each other) and I wound up in a part of the city I’d never been in before.
18. Life story
She started talking about her lifestory from childhood to that day. Year by year.. with every single traumatic story and emotions. That was our first ever date and she didn’t even let me speak for that duration. I was like “oh okay she is now talking about highschool 6 more years left, hold tight.”
19. Kidney Stone
Met her for dinner, we seemed to hit it off well in the first few minutes, until I started feeling the worst pain ever in my side. Turns out I had a kidney stone. I unfortunately had to nope out of that one very quickly. She had blocked me via text when I abruptly left dinner, so she never got the message that I ended up in the hospital.
I didn’t see her for years until we ran into each other at a bar, me with a different girlfriend, her with her husband. I explained what had happened, she felt pretty bad, but hey, no long lasting harm done. I bought her and her husband a drink, chatted for a few, and left them to finish their evening together.
20. “F-ck you, Jason”
We went to dinner and he started chatting up the waitress. Like interrupting me every time the waitress came over and talking to her for a few minutes instead. After a couple times I just pulled my phone out and started scrolling through reddit and he complained when he noticed I was on my phone. Cue a lecture about my generation. (he was like 6 years older than me, iirc)
Then he got mad when I wouldn’t suck his dick in the parking lot. I ended up going back inside the restaurant and calling a friend to pick me up. Dudes car was still sitting there when I left. F-ck you Jason.