Patricia Grisafi
Gift-giving can be really difficult, but hopefully you come through with a present that is either meaningful or useful. Unfortunately, sometimes the present is neither.
What if you were constantly on the receiving end of gifts that you hate or are confused by? What if you felt that no one was listening to your requests or taking hints from your interactions? That’s the problem one Redditor is having.
So she decided to take the step to cancel Christmas gifts and only buy for herself. Is she being a grinch or simply taking care of herself?
“I try to not be spoiled but my whole life I haven’t felt thought of in the gifts I receive. I never show it and always act thankful to be polite. The gifts I give others are always personalized if I haven’t been asked for specific items. I listen and use their hobbies and interests to make sure they’re a hit. One of my favorite things was the shot of euphoria when they opened their present and were speechless,” the OP writes.
“Then it comes time for me to open gifts and it’s a generic set of headphones much worse than the ones I own in colours I hate. A face wash and candle set I can never use with sensitive skin and allergies. A mug with a weird meme on it that is no inside joke between us that won’t fit in my cabinet with a matching set already inside. I’m tired of feeling like the coworker you don’t know that you picked for office Secret Santa.”
The OP explains that she’s upset that no one seems to listen to her or seems to put any effort into getting her gifts that are meaningful. She says her friends and partner are great in every other way, but she doesn’t understand why she is constantly “unwrapping a clearance tea set when I’m a coffee drinker.”
This year, she said her partner was excited about her gift, but she accidentally found it, and it was…lacking, for lack of a better word:
“While tidying I found a stash with candy, a pair of cheap slippers in a pattern I’d never wear, a makeup travel bag with a tacky slogan ‘Slay all Day’ on it (I despise quotes on anything and it’s well known) and a pair of gloves. I just felt….. deflated.”
To be fair, if I got any of those gifts I would also feel deflated. “Slay all Day” would go right in the trash.
“I told everyone I wasn’t doing gifts this year and to return anything they got me because I didn’t have the money and wanted to be fair. It’s true. I don’t have the money to waste $1,000+ on personalized gifts for everyone just to feel disappointment. I cancelled all my orders, returned all the items I got and bought things off my own list using those funds. I wrapped them and put them under the tree to me from me.”
The OP’s friends and family are disappointed and told the OP how “spoiled, entitled & petulant” she is being—and she’s a bit conflicted: “This year I’m getting what I want, and going forward this may even be my tradition forever so I finally get things I’d like. But as Christmas gets closer I’m starting to feel guilty and ashamed for what I’ve done.”
Is the OP being entitled or does she deserve some self-pampering if no one seems to listen to what she wants?
“I’m going to say NTA. I actually know exactly what you mean, because I feel pretty much the same way. I really try very hard to select gifts that will please the receiver, but it seems that no one else bothers. Since you’ve told everyone else that you’re not gifting this year, it seems fair. Do get something thoughtful for your hubby, and try to explain to him that it will be much easier if he just buys from your list in the future,” said hydrox51.
“I’ve been called an ‘ungrateful bitch’ since my teens because I feel like when it comes to gifts you should be honest if you don’t like it. People closest to me respect it and always kept receipts so I could exchange it. Other people see it as ungrateful. The ones that see it as ungrateful are the ones that think their clearance sale candles are the perfect gift for me because I’m so hard to get gifts for. Eg: the ones that are always talking over me and never listen to anything I say,” said realdappermuis.
“I’m torn with judgement here because, according to you, literally everyone you know is a bad gift giver…friends, husband, parents and extended family. And that is literally not possible that these unrelated groups are all doing the same thing. The only commonality they have is you,” observed Thia_M.
“Oof, yeah. I had a family friend who gifted me bath stuff for a while. It was super sweet but just not my thing. Then when I turned 17 they switched to nice coffee beans, which definitely is my thing. I guess buying for an adult was easier! OP, my sympathies; it’s frustrating when you get a gift which should mean ‘I thought about you’ or ‘I care for you’ and instead says ‘I am fulfilling my gift giving obligation by putting in a few seconds of thought and nothing else,'” shared Stormdanc3.
“I’m going to go with NTA because I know how you feel although many of my friends can’t even bother to give gifts to me in return. It just wears on you when you put out such a high level of effort and it doesn’t get reciprocated in the least. Did you try honest communication with everyone prior to canceling Xmas? It may have been hard for them to hear that their gifts are always missing the mark but you do deserve to get things you can actually use or like. Try giving everyone another chance next year to see if they got the message,” said dizmalette.
“NAH. You are the common denominator, as you said, but it’s not a fault, it’s your love language. They don’t mean to be thoughtless, they’re just not as good at it as you are. Like, if you make the most delectable, melt-in-your-mouth cookies for a cookie exchange and half the people bring pillsbury. It’s not a reflection on you. Or you have to bring a frozen lasagna to a potluck because you can’t boil water, you are bringing to share and participate and you’d feel terrible if someone crapped all over you for it. If you don’t want to invest that much love on everyone anymore, that’s understandable. It happens. Just do those who really matter, and don’t expect them to understand, love them as they are. If it’s really important, insist that you want something from a short, achievable, list, and explain why and how significant it is to you, dealbreaker-wise. Then follow through. Learn to be comfortable asking for gift receipts. Be thankful for the gift and ask for a receipt. They’ll get the hint and probably just give you gift cards instead,” suggested ScammerC.
What do you think? Is the OP being grinchy or just asserting her needs?
Lead image via Pixabay.
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