Aimeé
Massage therapists, and many women in all jobs generally, have to put up with so much horsesh-t from gross dudes trying to turn their work into something it is not.
There are people who do sex work, including sensual massage, and then there are people who do massage as part of physical therapy.
Trying to get “happy endings” from the latter is an extremely gross thing to do because you both know you could be buying it from someone selling it. Which means you probably just want to make them uncomfortable!
Well, a woman named Amber isn’t having it. She wants to make the men who do that uncomfortable, and she’s great at it. Amber posted a conversation she had with some weirdo trying to get his pee-pee touched on Facebook, in which she had the perfect response to his request for a “happy ending.”
The conversation starts normal, with him messaging about her massage services. She offers to send him a list with pricing, but that’s not what he wants.
“I was more interested in stuff that isn’t listed if you know what I mean,” he answers. “Do you understand lol.”
Oh yes, she understood far too well.
Yes, the man was looking for “happy endings” or sexual contact, which AGAIN is a highly inappropriate request. Amber must have received them before, which sucks, but she did have an answer at the ready. After telling the man she’s “all out” of happy endings, she asks, “Can I interest you in a sad ending?”
She describes Three Sad Ending Packages.
“Package A: A soft lullaby of exquisite violin plays as I read over your credit reports and credit card statements by candlelight.”
Then there’s Package B, which offers melodic piano music as they “discuss why you think your dad doesn’t love you.”
At this point the guy gets even ruder, if you can believe it, responding, “If you don’t do hand jobs just say it b-tch you don’t have to do all this.”
But he’s only testy because he hasn’t heard the Package C Sad Ending yet:
“A relaxing melody fills the room as I read these text messages to your wife,” Amber explains. “Hot towels are offered in this session as well, to dry your tears, as she listens to your sad attempts to get sexual favors from a licensed massage therapist. This session is quite popular but can cause a little soreness when you go home to an empty house.”
Package C must have sounded exciting, because the man responded, “I was joking. It was a joke I hope you don’t think I’d actually want that I was kidding.”
What matters is if your wife will think you are kidding, mister.
More like this, kinda:
