Lex
Anyone who has a pet knows that eventually, once they are acclimated into our home, they try to “take over.” All it takes is a few weeks of pets, rubs, and love and before our very eyes—they run sh*t. Just take my puppy—one month after we adopted her, we decided to let her sleep in bed with us and, before I knew it, she was taking my entire side of the bed for herself.
With all the love, affection, and “good baby!!!!” we give our pets, it’s no wonder they think they’re the damn queens and kings of our home. And, it’s nothing uncommon to all pet owners—in fact, many of our pets think they own us. Recently, a Reddit user asked the burning question: What ‘rule’ has your pet instituted in your house that you now follow?”
Basically, our pets own us. Straight facts.
1.
If I sneeze my cat will meow softly and walk over to me and pat me on my face until I pick him up and tell him don’t worry it was only a sneeze.
2.
When she [my 14yr old grandma kitty] is constipated, she needs me to watch her poop. She’ll do these real deep meows and won’t stop til I follow her to the litter box where she sits in the middle and tries to poop. We keep eye contact the entire time. If I look away, she stops trying to poop and does the deep meows again. Her normal meows are very high pitched, so it’s easy to tell when she’s constipated.
3.
When I was a kid, my dog slept in the middle of my bed and I slept on the trundle. For four years.
4.
My BF and I have to pretty much shut the fuck up after 9pm or else my dog (who is trying to sleep) will groan really loud. We could be mid conversation or laughing and she will do it really loud.
5.
If my dog stands in front of you looks back and puts her butt near you you must smack the booty.
6.
We call it “paying the toll”. Our doxie will instantly steal your spot if you get up to go to the bathroom or something, and she won’t move until you’ve sufficiently rubbed the belly. So to get your seat back you have to pay the toll!
7.
I have to sleep with my back to my BF so the cat can snuggle into my hair while smelling BFs breath.
8.
When I was a kid our house had a bean bag chair which our (large) dog had claimed. One day while we had family over I was sitting in the chair since we had otherwise ran out and our dog was obviously displeased. He walked over to me and stared at me for a few minutes. After telling him “no” he walked off and returned with a bone which he promptly dropped on my head. I got up, he layed down and no one ever sat in his chair again.
9.
When my dog hears me getting his food ready, he points with his long nose at the place where his bowl goes repeatedly until I put it down.
10.
If my parrot asks, ‘What are you doing?’, anyone in the immediate vicinity must respond with what they’re doing. He will throw a tantrum if he doesn’t get an answer.
11.
My poodle requires the blinds of our living room window to be open by around 4 pm or else he’ll start pacing and whining anxiously.
He sits at the window and watches the driveway waiting for my dad to get home from work. Those two are inseparable.
12.
My dog refuses to go to sleep until my mum has tucked him in with his blanket and toys and told him goodnight. He will throw a tantrum and bark for hours on end if he isn’t tucked in by 8:30 so now the official family bedtime is at sunset just to keep the dog happy.
13.
You absolutely must give both out guinea pigs a carrot by 7 am or they sit together and squeek and be super loud until their demands are met.
14.
Both dogs MUST have a treat each if they go out the front door and come back inside. Furry dog MUST have a treat after enduring a bath. Furry dog must have a blop of cream cheese if the human has cream cheese and furry dog must also have the egg scrambling bowl to lick.
15.
Whenever someone gets ice cubes from the fridge, they have to give one to my kitten to play with. He bolts towards the fridge any time he hears the ice dispenser because he’s so stoked about getting another ice cube.
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16.
When brushing my teeth, I must leave the faucet on while I brush so my cat can drink from the bathroom sink. If I don’t, I get screamed at in the form of very loud meows.
17.
She owns all the throw pillows.
…she doesn’t chew them, just wants to carry them around the house.
Anytime I toss them back on the couch or my bed she takes them back to her bed.
We’re at the point where I look at pillows in the store and think “oh… Bailey would love that one..”
18.
King size bed. By 7AM I am getting rolled out of bed by a dachshund. She wants her morning walk.
19.
No closed doors
She screams at any door which blocks her path inside the house
20.
If Gizmo places his paw gently upon human’s foot, human must pick him up. If human does not pick him up, Gizmo is allowed to bite big toe.
21.
If the cat pees on the bed it’s because the dog ate the food, no body noticed and it’s been more than 12 hours since the food was eaten. She pees in the spot the dog lays on. She’s vindictive.
22.
When my dog has the ball, my dog keeps the ball. We literally have to attempt to flying tackle him to get it. He doesn’t play by our rules. We play by his rules.
h/t: Reddit.
