Infertility is a really difficult struggle — it’s no one’s “fault” obviously, and ideally both partners are supportive of each other and on the same page when it comes to next steps and family planning. Infertility treatment is also really expensive, so money management is a must.
One Redditor and her husband have been saving for IVF treatment — well, she has mostly anyway — and she was shocked and heartbroken to find out that her husband had stolen money from that fund to give to his friend so he could buy a new car.
“To start off I want to say that my husband (36M) has an old friend (33M) that he’s known since high school. they’re inseparable and spend the entire week together. Like they’re really really close.”
“My husband and I struggled with fertility issues for years. We recently started new method (IVF) in hopes to get at least one child together. Note that I saved for the majority of treatment while my husband only paid 2-3 thousands. We saved up for another round after the huge disappointment and heartbreak from failing the first time (that’s just how it goes). This time I’d put all the money (including dad’s inheritance) and my husband didn’t pay a cent,” the OP said.
“Last week I found out that he secretly pulled out 7k (we had 11k in total). I was completely and utterly shocked I confronted him and he casually reminded me of how many times his best friend complained about his ‘old junk’ car and he decided to ‘lend’ him 7k to buy a decent car, his argument was that his friend would’ve done the same for him.”
“I was beyond livid I asked if he really thought that was okay and he said that I shouldn’t worry and guaranteed his friend will pay us back in time. I lost it on him and immediately demanded his friend to send the money back and threatened police involvement in case he refused. His friend immediately returned the money but told my husband about the police thing and my husband came home and yelled at me calling me unhinged and selfish.”
“I told him I saved up some of this money/used my inheritance for this treatment while he contributed nothing even though we’re in this together. He ‘corrected’ me saying I’m the one with the problem and he thought it’s only fair that I ‘make up’ for it by paying for the IVF myself. This hurt so badly and I couldn’t argue anymore. He went to stay with his friend while constantly shaming me for how I treated them both and for the police involvement like they stole from me or something.”
You DO NOT want to have babies with this incredible a**hole. Throw him in the dumpster.
“NTA. That was money you saved/inherited. That means you ARE the one paying for it and he DID steal from you,” said
“‘He went to stay with his friend…’ Good, he should stay there. OP. I’m sorry but I think it’s really clear who’s the most important person in your husband’s life and it’s not you. Please, think long and hard if this is the husband you and future children deserve. He’s suppose to be your partner, a team, I feel like you’re the 3rd wheel in your husband’s life,” observed
“This is what I wanted to say right here. The husband says OP acted like they stole the money…that is absolutely what happened OP: This was your money, your inheritance. Your husband absolutely stole it from you. Clearly you want children, but if you have children with this person, your life is only going to get worse. You owe it to yourself to find someone who is as interested in having kids as you are. You owe it to yourself to find someone who respects and loves you. Your current husband clearly does not. NTA… but spending $1000s of dollars to have children with this person is a huge mistake,” said
NTA and I think it’s evident at this point you are no longer in a committed relationship. Your husband has finally revealed several things to you. Something I don’t think you realize that he revealed is that he no longer thinks you will have a child no matter what. If he was in it to have a child he wouldn’t have pulled that money out to begin with. It was a hit or miss on whether or not the friend could repay that 7 k in time. If he needed it then its not something he can easily acquire back. On top of this your husband is now outwardly hurting you by saying you are the one with the problem and is effectively saying it isn’t his fault. Your husband no longer wants to have a child with you. And his lack of cate and feelings for you, as well as how ready he was to steal money from you, just shows that this relationship is over. For your own mental safety I recommend leaving him and finding someone to love who is mentally available to take this journey with you. Your husband is not this man,” advised
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