Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been a retweet from one of the top tweets from long ago. Either way, these were the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
Most kids have a stuffed animal or blankie. My niece has one of those plastic owls u put outside to scare away birds pic.twitter.com/U3CX3Gcb0V
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) April 10, 2016
ME: Honey, I’m back from the potato chip store
WIFE: you mean the grocery store
ME: *looks in the bags* uh, nope.
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) April 13, 2016
i’ve decided to cut flour out of my diet. like it’s cool if it’s baked into something, but no more eating raw flour for this guy
— everett byram (@rad_milk) April 13, 2016
*air drums the drum break from in the air tonight* anyway i’ll have u on the weekends and u’ll be with ur mom during the week
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) April 10, 2016
[dog paws your leg when you stop stroking his head]
1st time: “aww cuuuute”
2nd time: “ha okay”
3rd time: “i am trapped in a nightmare”
— k e i t h (@KeetPotato) April 9, 2016
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) April 8, 2016
Cashier: I hate being alone
Me: I know, every morning is a new hell
C: Usually they schedule a 2nd cashier
M: Yes that is what I meant also
— Barndog (@BarndogKarck) April 8, 2016
— Toby Herman (@tobyherman27) April 8, 2016
if u hear ur roommate using ur beard trimmer in the bathroom but they come out and look exactly the same u should buy a new beard trimmer
— chuuch (@ch000ch) April 8, 2016
Life is just a bunch of good decisions I haven’t made.
— Elizabeth is Ruined (@Elizasoul80) April 7, 2016
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
— AlexaMac Brandes (@TheWoodenslurpy) April 7, 2016
BATMAN: can’t spell anything
SUPERMAN: *rubbing temples* not every word has to start with BAT
— Blind Chow (@BlindChow) April 6, 2016
When I see a guy with a tooth pick in his mouth I’m like, wow. look at that guy. he ate most of a tree.
— Jess (@jessokfine) April 5, 2016
Ted Cruz wears dress shirts to concerts then buys the tour t-shirt and wears it over top of the dress shirt.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) April 12, 2016
Feminism is Fleek. -Hillary Clinton (2016) pic.twitter.com/JuGJj1l6ki
— Philip DeFranco (@PhillyD) April 5, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.