Ruin My Week
11.
[the first person to invent a pistol is robbing a bank]
him: [holding it up] “GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY”
bank teller: “i don’t know what that is but fuck you”— k e i t h 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) January 22, 2020
12.
the guy who invented constellations was like “see those 4 stars? that’s a bear” and everyone else was just too busy trying to not die from the plague to fight him on it
— the hype (@TheHyyyype) July 7, 2019
13.
[1907. the first convenience store opens]
GUY WHO INVENTED INCONVENIENCE STORES: damn
— Mowgli (@Holy_Mowgli) September 3, 2018
14.
The guy who invented Groundhog Day inventing Groundhog Day pic.twitter.com/s3i6yoMx1z
— Gina (@ginadivittorio) January 17, 2020
15.
GUY WHO INVENTED TEA: i will put the grass in the water
*the grass gets wet*
GUY WHO INVENTED TEA: Hell yeah now I can relax— wyatt f (@wyattfair) January 22, 2020
16.
exec: whos got a new candy for me
guy who invented fundip: ok so it’s powdered sugar in a pouch
exec: the candy is just… sugar?
guy: yup! flavored like fruit that does crystal meth
exec: how do you eat it
guy: [ripping a line of neon cocaine] WITH A STICK OF MORE SUGAR
— Kellen (@captainkalvis) August 4, 2019
17.
THE GUY WHO INVENTED DRIVING: what if there was a way you could make a very small mistake and absolutely kill yourself and your entire family
— the Little Captain with his sights set on snuggles (@markpopham) November 28, 2019
18.
I bet the first person to try eating an egg was pretty weird.
— Sarah Archer (@SarahArcherM) January 18, 2020
19.
wind: *exists*
guy who invented windbreakers: “this shit sucks. I have got to find some way to break this.”
— Chase (@chaselyons) October 17, 2019
20.
ASSISTANT: so what dimensions do the doors, hinges, walls, and locks need to be so that it all fits?
GUY WHO INVENTED PUBLIC BATHROOM STALLS: can’t stress how unimportant that part is
— Matt Buechele (@mattbooshell) October 30, 2019
