Jon
11.
My friend is a portrait artist, and got into an argument with an entitled prick of a client. His coup de grâce was “I look at a LOT of faces, and you, sir, have the face you deserve”. This was in front of a stunned crowd at the Irish Embassy in Berlin. The guy stormed out.
— Carl Clancy (@carlclancy) August 13, 2020
12.
“He ates his dinner out of a drawer” is my favourite accusation of miserliness.
— Lisa Carey (@msleedy) August 13, 2018
13.
At a barbecue once. Next-door neighbour complained about the noise. Host went to upstairs window and shouted over garden fence to call him a “doe-eyed nonchalant cunt”.
— No Score Draws (FKA Panini Cheapskates) (@CheapPanini) August 13, 2018
14.
I had a dear friend describe someone as, “intense… but bland,” and that has stuck with me through the ages. The same friend also described another person as, “stark raving average.”
— virtue signals (@Saint_Laetitia) August 13, 2018
15.
Gran thought my father the laziest man ever. Once heard her say to my mum, “I’m shocked he didn’t marry a pregnant woman to avoid breaking a sweat.”
— Ms. Devlin (@ProudNHSurvivor) August 14, 2018
16.
Future Father in law said that “I (me) was so unlucky if I bought a graveyard no one would die”
— Andrew Aitchison (@ThatGuyAitcho) August 13, 2020
17.
My grandmother describing her niece as having the “kind of face that when it comes at you it makes you take a step back”
— wear a damn mask and defund the police (@buttmat) August 13, 2020
18.
I did also like the one about Trump “looking like the villain in a movie where the hero is a dog”
— Matt Cramp (@merusworks) August 14, 2018
19.
The only exercise he gets is pushing his luck and jumping to conclusions.
— ∞ Clear Autism ∞ (@ClearAutism) August 13, 2018
20.
If he was any thicker we’d have to water him twice a day.
— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) August 13, 2018
