Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago. Either way, these were 15 of the best tweets we saw this week.
did u know if you email your boss “ssuck my ass” u don’t have to go to work anymore
— chuuch (@ch000ch) May 25, 2016
Son: This isn’t Disney World
Me : Sure it is
D: That’s not Mickey Mouse, it’s a dog in a Mickey costume
Me: No pic.twitter.com/4U1GFXHmVy
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) May 24, 2016
A Handy Guide. pic.twitter.com/50Lg0sEYRm
— Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) May 23, 2016
— Helen Hunt (@HelenHunt) May 23, 2016
i havent heard about this chair pic.twitter.com/gnJoD47XVi
— gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) May 23, 2016
— Bea_ker (@bea_ker) May 21, 2016
Interviewer: says here you have a military background
Me [getting out my phone]: yeah but I changed to a picture of my dog eating spaghetti
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) May 20, 2016
Marriage is about finding that special someone to disagree with about the room temperature until you die.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 21, 2016
I respect dogs for gravitating to whomever has pizza with no shame.
— Robot Eats Ice Cream (@MichaelLarrick) May 16, 2016
MAMA BEAR: Someones been sleeping in MY bed
PAPA BEAR: Someones been sleeping in MY bed
PAPA ROACH: Someones been cutting MY life to pieces
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) May 20, 2016
WIFE: [walks in on me trying on Victoria’s Secret] OMG
ME: It’s not what you think! [shows receipt] They were on sale
WIFE: Oh thank God
— Terry F (@daemonic3) May 20, 2016
Interviewer: “Are you good at making snap decisions?”
*20 minutes later*
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) May 21, 2016
Boss: This is the third time you’ve been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?
Me: That it’s only Wednesday
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) May 7, 2014
ME: What tattoo should I get?
TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection.
ME: One ravioli on my thigh please.
— Pin Up Teacher (@pinupteacher) April 30, 2016
[kneels down next to 5 year old at the park wearing plaid shorts and striped shirt] you’re dressed like an idiot
— PaperWash© (@PaperWash) May 22, 2016
And if you need even more, you can always check out last week’s funniest tweets.