A woman posting under the handle @wetmascara on Twitter, who writes in her bio that her name is Emma, has gone viral for her absolutely wild story of dating an older man in his mid-forties at the same time as her slightly younger sister dated his 25-year-old son.
It started off with one throwaway tweet, in which she wrote, “The Thanksgiving I was 37, I was dating a 45-year-old guy, and my sister (who was 33) was dating the 25-year-old son of the guy I was dating. Partway through Thanksgiving dinner, my dad got up, went outside and mowed my sister’s yard to calm himself down.”
The Thanksgiving I was 37, I was dating a 45 year old guy, and my sister (who was 33) was dating the 25 year old son of the guy I was dating.
Partway through Thanksgiving dinner, my dad got up, went outside and mowed my sister’s yard to calm himself down.
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
That is almost enough of a snapshot of the situation for me. It’s like a perfect little glimpse into the dysfunction and awkwardness of the whole scenario. Both dad and son are hot, and both dad and son are inappropriate dates to bring to Thanksgiving dinner. The dad clearly loves his daughters and wants better for them, but instead of losing it at the dinner table, he does some light yard work. The end.
But people wanted more and Emma was happy to give it to them. She added detail after detail about why the older guy was a bad boyfriend and why the younger boy was a sweet himbo who didn’t realize his 33-year-old girlfriend was not completely dedicated to him.
She shared how her 45-year-old boyfriend wouldn’t even commit to coming to dinner because he’s “not a planner.”
At that time the dad had not confirmed to either of us whether he would join us for Thanksgiving because, “I’m not a planner; I’m spontaneous.”
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
The son & I were hungover the next morning at my sister’s house. The dad texted her, the son, and me that he was joining. She woke us up.
The son shrieked, “Look at us, we’re clearly hungover, we’ve got to get READY!”
I knocked him out of the way to get in the bathroom first.
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
And then he dumped her soon after the whole night at her own dad’s house:
Next time at the nail salon, the nail tech guy said, snarkily, “where’s your man?’
My sister: pic.twitter.com/RgfUZdScfl
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
Me: We broke up.
Nail Tech Guy: Good. I don’t like him. He was too old & ugly for you, his motorcycle jacket was stupid & he was here for 20 minutes while you got your nails done & didn’t go to the register to surprise you by paying like every GOOD boyfriend that comes in does.
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
But she still had fond memories of his son:
When I asked my sister how she could deal with him being stupid, she said, “He fucks like a champ,” and took a long drag off her cigarette.
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
I stopped laughing. We got in the car. 25 y.o. guy gets back in, and says, “Hey, did I ever tell y’all about that time I ran over myself with my own car?”
Me: pic.twitter.com/QqTJAMx1XO
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
I met the 25 y.o. at a party. He said he had his own travel trailer (parked nearby) & he was looking for a friend with benefits. (This was back when people said that stuff IRL instead of in DM’s)
Pointing to my sister, I said, “there’s the right sister for you to say that to.”
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
If this story becomes an original streaming series, I would like it to be called:
How I Met His Father
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
And funny memories of the break up:
The night of the I need space breakup, I was supposed to be cooking him dinner of chicken and rice. He didn’t like carrots and peas, but I only had steam in bag rice with peas and carrots. So I was using a fork to pick out the peas and carrots when he called about needing space.
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
Me: You know I have OCD tendencies &couldn’t stop until it was done.
Sister: That’s why I helped you finish. Also I don’t like peas & carrots & wanted chicken & rice since it was already cooked.
Then we sang a little Tanya Tucker’s 🎵Delta Dawn what’s that flower you have on🎵
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
We were not like peas and carrots. pic.twitter.com/TbgYnJHWuw
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
And there were some elements of farce:
I don’t know if this is turning into a polyamorous story per se, but it definitely got poly- humourous.
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
My sister said I would treat them both to lunch for helping, which I had said, but I meant two different days another time so we weren’t all at the table together.
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
At lunch, they both figure it out. We get back, 2ND GUY offers me a ride on the new Harley.
My sister says she wants to go for a ride.
25 y.o. says to 2ND GUY about his leather Harley vest: Dude that vest adds like 50 pounds on you, which you don’t have room for.
Me: pic.twitter.com/vhZ9KTdcV5
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
25 y.o. one time smoked pot and put my groceries up for me while my sister and I were getting ready to go out. My pantry was fucked up for a month. He didn’t even put like things together. Just stacked things in there willy nilly. Pot is a gateway drug to a fucked up pantry.
— SneezingWithWetMascara (@WetMascara) August 28, 2020
What I like about the story is that if you’ve managed to live long enough you’ve been both the person dating someone too old for them and someone too young for them. Some people may love Emma’s story for the gossipy details, but I think most of us love it for the memories it brings back. Ah, to be young and stupid again instead of old and with someone young and stupid.
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