Max
Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite very funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of the best tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this collection of the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
whenever i hear someone say “my therapist said” my ears perk way up. that’s free therapy
— Brooke Harries (@brookekrista) July 10, 2018
[Paper Planes by M.I.A. – Acoustic Version]
All I wanna do is-
*Bow and arrow noise*
*Bow and arrow noise*
*Bow and arrow noise*
*Bow and arrow noise*
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) July 11, 2018
son: [kicking pile of leaves] yaaaaaay!
me: [also kicking pile of leaves] yaaaaaay!
wife: my salad!— Marf (@MarfSalvador) April 12, 2018
[if I acted in real life the way guys do online]
*running up to interrupt 2 guys I don’t know, super out of breath* hey, just wanna let you know that joke you made earlier sucked big time
— Not Sara (@smithsara79) July 5, 2018
This dude at work is named “Aron,” and it’s like we know it’s weird to spell “Aaron” with two As but it’s what we all decided
— Mary Sasson (@marysasson) September 13, 2017
Rollercoaster operator: Are you secure?
Me: Not really, I spend hours thinking about when I try to sound cool but it always go wrong
Rollercoaster operator: I mean are you secure in the seat?
Me: Fo’ shizzle
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) July 11, 2018
Remember when we didn’t let Meg Ryan stand up straight for an entire decade? pic.twitter.com/WQwQc0gHzF
— Toby Herman (@tobyherman27) July 12, 2018
It’s so hot that every time I try to speak all that comes out is a Tennessee Williams monologue.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 8, 2018
TESLA ADVISOR: Elon, ya gotta do something with your wealth to help people
ELON: [scanning the first page of a newspaper] hmmm ok which one of these needs a fucked up machine— Bea_ker (@bea_ker) July 9, 2018
Chill out, man. I’ll buy you some ink, damn. pic.twitter.com/sbFfQca8ih
— walk 500 riles (@500Riles) July 12, 2018
When I was 17 I went to get a Limp Bizkit tattoo and when they wouldn’t let me because I didn’t have a guardian’s approval, I cried and punched a lamp post. 3 months later I was allowed to take on $119,000 in loans to go to art school.
— Bill Dixon (@BillDixonish) July 8, 2018
ME: a venti flat white
STARBUCKS EMPLOYEE (to trainee): ok now upsell her
ME: and a turkey bacon sandwich
SE: oh she’s still going
ME: and a summer berry croissant
SE: god she’s still—
ME: and a cake pop and a cookie and
SE: my god
— turanga maison (@maisondecris) July 12, 2018
Tired: Humans are killing the planet
Wired: literally like ninety specific people are killing the planet and we literally know their names— Bigger Laius Theory (@the_bird_roads) July 8, 2018
8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) July 6, 2018
It must be nice to be a man because you can literally just throw on a bomber jacket and everyone starts acting like you are the editor-in-chief of Vogue Italia
— guneez | گونیز (@guneezzz) July 3, 2018
Next on your to-do list should definitely be last week’s very funny tweets.
