Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite very funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of the best tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this collection of the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) August 23, 2018
I broke up with my boyfriend, Cliff Hanger, bc
— KattsDogma (@KattsDogma) January 26, 2018
“Chefs, today I prepared for you some overcooked noodles and butter in the Paw Patrol bowl.”
—Me, about to win Chopped with toddler judges
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) August 27, 2018
Wear only a towel around your waist and you can get into just about anywhere if you just repeat “so sorry so sorry” and keep moving forward.
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) August 19, 2014
me: how many trees do you see in this picture?
my toddler: all of them.
— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) August 28, 2018
*walks in on son making batman & iron man action figures kiss*
“dad i can explain”
u should never EVER mix the dc & marvel universes
— infinity + 1 (@stuckinaportal) October 6, 2016
WHAT ARE YOU EATING AND HOW CAN I HELP?
— not karley 🦕 (@Itskarleytime) August 20, 2018
My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.
— Octopus/Caveman (@OctopusCaveman) August 26, 2018
ME: ♪baa baa black sheep have you any wool
BLACK SHEEP: yes sir yes sir 3 bags full
ME: holy shit you can talk
— FROVO (@fro_vo) August 24, 2018
Boss: We’ve just found out that one of you is a sloth
Jim: oh no
Jo: oh no
Karl: oh no
Boss: obviously we will need to
Me: oh no
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) August 26, 2018
At 25, you tell yourself you’ll still be cool when you’re older.
Then you turn 50 and realize you have a favorite “milk glass.”
— You know (@Tmoney68) August 29, 2018
Me: big day today
Brain: we’re ready
Brain: not like last time
Brain: when you wrote ‘gren’ on the colors test
Me: I was 5
Brain: don’t blow it today
— Ygrene (@Ygrene) August 21, 2018
Trojan: no, we’re going in the wooden one
— Boog (@BoogTweets) August 29, 2018
Invention of Salads:
Caveman: Holy shit, that deer is fast
— Married Dude 🆒 (@AmIStillCool) August 18, 2018
Her: I bet he is thinking about another woman.
Me: (thinking) Why aren’t there B batteries?
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) August 20, 2018
Please take another moment to enjoy these very funny tweets from last week.