Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find.
And every week we narrow it down to our 15 favorite very funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.
Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some of the best tweets from long ago.
Either way, please enjoy this collection of the 15 funniest tweets we saw this week.
Teacher: the answer is 69
Me: nice 😎
Teacher: wait I messed up it’s actually 74
Me, just really likes numbers: nice 😎
— john is toast (@johnistoasted) August 20, 2018
*walks into the donut shop like I’m on the light up floor in Billie Jean*
— JC Tarp (@jctwritesstuff) August 22, 2018
Librarian: Can I help you?
Me: Yeah, I’m looking for a book about-
Librarian: Being psychic?
Librarian: One day that will work.
— Ian Sausage (@stephenjmolloy) August 11, 2018
him: let’s go check out the beds 😉
me: *mouthful of meatballs* they sell furniture here?
— sarahdactyl (@girlnarly) August 20, 2018
Nothing is ever as funny as the next table over at the restaurant thinks it is.
— Dave Holmes (@DaveHolmes) August 20, 2018
Date: So what do you do?
Me: [repeating 7th grade for the sixth time] your mom lmaoooo
— wilson (@MediumWilly) August 20, 2018
so let me get this straight…….. the only point of life is going on like little weekend vacations ?
— charlie (@chunkbardey) August 20, 2018
i wish i could fucking tap dance. i’d pull that shit out WHENEVER.
asking a lovely woman out for dinner? *tap tap tap*
bouta get mugged? *tap tap tap*
“you’ve only got two weeks to live” *tap tap sniff tap tap*
— Kal (@captainkalvis) August 23, 2018
[smugly waiting to talk during a heated argument]
Me: Oh yeah?! Well *just starts crying*
— Not Sara (@smithsara79) August 20, 2018
*Pokes little Hanson brother’s nose* MMMboop
— TuSoon Shakur (@TuSoonShakur) August 20, 2018
CUSTOMER: more endless breadsticks please
WAITER: sure, be right back
[in back room]
WAITER: [holding saw] sorry, the people want their bread
JESUS: [in chains] pls not again, for the love of Dad
— Terry F (@daemonic3) August 21, 2018
Whoever invented how to pronounce the word “macabre” did a good jabre.
— Rob Cee (@TheRobCee) August 21, 2018
Date: “I’m a big Harry Potter fan.”
Me: “He was pretty awesome when he was a baby, too.”
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) August 17, 2018
me during sex: hurt me
them: you were never that smart you just were good at reading as a child so you were given special attention and it gave you a complex
them: you don’t try at school because youre convinced ur natural intellect will save you but u don’t have it
— Minna (@minnascule) August 19, 2018
Going out to dinner on a Monday like some sort of celebrity.
— Sardonic Tart 🇮🇹 (@SardonicTart) August 20, 2018
Don’t forget to check out last week’s best tweets.