Story Of My Fucking Life
16.
https://twitter.com/Home_Halfway/status/834125937713217541
17.
18.
*watching husband sleep*
Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-"
*husband snores*
Me: "I can't live like this."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 28, 2016
19.
wife & I just overheard the kids talking about how they'll decorate the house after we die, so I guess we're sleeping in shifts from now on
— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) October 28, 2017
20.
Me: I'm gonna take a shower.
Husband, raising eyebrows suggestively: Need any help?
Me: Yeah, keep the kids busy.— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 23, 2017
21.
Marriage status: My wife refused to move, so I made the bed over the top of her. pic.twitter.com/DPEz9buSPi
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 11, 2017
22.
My husband surprised me by taking today off. Now I have to pretend like I do dishes and laundry and shit while he's working. My Friday is ruined.
— ðŸŽá‘Œá–‡á”•á‘Œá’ªá—©ðŸŽ (@3sunzzz) November 17, 2017
23.
Call me old-fashioned, but I believe marriage should be between a person who hates pickles and another person who will eat that pickle.
— Kate Sidley (@sidleykate) October 21, 2017
24.
My wife combined so many coupons the grocery store actually paid her.
She's been talking about it for 20 minutes.
This is her Super Bowl.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 1, 2017
25.
Dear Abby,
I told my husband I didn’t want a grilled cheese when he was making one and now I want a grilled cheese. What do I do?
— EricaTriesToTweet (@EricaWhoToYou) October 5, 2017
26.
Marriage is alright if you like someone coming home and telling you about their day in the middle of your movie
— Dumb Beezie (@dumbbeezie) June 1, 2017
27.
I opened the dishwasher and it's full of clean dishes and I'm scared my wife is going to know that I know.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 21, 2017
28.
I'm never more nervous than when I insist we're out of something and my wife goes to look for it herself.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 27, 2017
29.
*wife runs back into our house which is on fire*
What are you doing!?
W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
— The Cre Master (@Jmboyd58) April 5, 2017
30.
[commenting under wife’s facebook status where she thanks everyone for coming to our son’s bday party] do we have any mustard?
— brent (@murrman5) October 24, 2017
