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Woman’s Harrowing Story of Putting Poop In Her Purse On a Date Will Make You Stay Single

Everyone talks about how hard dating is, but we rarely talk about how hard pooping while on a date is. Sometimes when nature calls, she hollers. You just can’t wait until the night is over. That’s what happened to @_blotty, or Makela St. Fort, who has become infamous for her “poop purse” story that she told on Twitter for everyone else’s amusement.

Makela has been accused of making this story up, which she told YourTango was very funny. “I mean… why?” she asked her haters. “Why would I want to be famous for a poop story? It’s not really the most flattering thing, the thing that makes me look the most intelligent or funny or interesting. It just kind of makes me seem crazy! And If I were going to try to become famous for anything, I’d make up some story about a wild, fun night where I seemed cool, not like I’m some loser basically doing the most embarrassing thing ever.”

You’ll have to read her story and decide for yourself. It starts with going on a date with a man who asked her out at the grocery store. They ended up going back to his place. Makela says she’s a “calm, confident, self-assured woman” who was comfortable using her date’s toilet when she had to poop. Bad idea.
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When she tried to flush, it simply wouldn’t work. She tried again and again, getting more and more frantic as she realized she’d been in the bathroom wayyyy too long.

So she made her next enormous mistake. She fished the poop out (I don’t want to know how), wrapped it in paper, and stuck the package in her purse.

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Makela says she went back to her date instead of leaving immediately, which seems like the next step to me. They end up making out, but of course all she can think about is her poop purse. She tried texting a friend to ask what she should do—I’m guessing her date must have thought she seemed pretty distracted.

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Eventually, her date went into the bathroom to use it himself and she heard a flush. Guessing he had fixed whatever the issue was, she ran back in there to get rid of her smoking gun (poop).

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Makela hopes people learn from what happened to her and also that somehow her date never sees these tweets, which have ended up on almost every social media platform.

“Here’s the funniest thing — he has my phone number and he did text me after, but he is probably the one person in the world who hasn’t seen it,” she says. “Or if he has, he hasn’t told me he’s seen it. I remember seeing the story on so many websites and in eight languages I couldn’t read, it had gone so far. He just doesn’t know! It’s crazy because he’s a big Facebook user — which in itself is a problem — but people were sharing on Facebook a lot too.”

He probably knows by now, and will probably never ask out a girl at the grocery store again.

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Aimeé Lutkin