We know those last few hours before the weekend starts can feel like the longest part of your workday. This is why we’ve made it our mission to distract you and make the time fly by bringing you some of the most hilarious tweets from the funny ladies of Twitter this week. So, kick back, relax and enjoy these jokes until the clock strikes 5.
“First kid up at the sleepover” is a personality type
— Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) March 16, 2019
Doctors’ appointments feel like job interviews where you only get to talk about your weaknesses
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 19, 2019
me and my matches refusing to start conversations with each other on dating apps pic.twitter.com/2KKvHJOGu4
— Beth McColl (@imteddybless) March 17, 2019
Finally picked a movie to watch so now I have a good couple of hours to look at my phone
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) March 18, 2019
at the bar and a woman next to me just asked for their “least spicy wine”
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) March 17, 2019
I like to pretend I'm a badass. But in reality, I'm the kid teachers left in charge when they left the room.
— Scrappy Momma (@scrappy_momma) March 18, 2019
Make fun all you want, but the nineties had the very best song about getting knocked down and then getting back up again and we all know it.
— 🥴steph🥴 (@eff_yeah_steph) March 18, 2019
[1st night of a boyfriend sleeping over]
Me: I sleep with a sound machine, that ok?
Him: ya that's fine!
*I reach over & hit a button. The part in Hey Ya where he repeats "alright alright alright alright" starts to play on a loop*
Me *snuggles covers up to chin*: night babe
— Discount❄️Emma❄️Stone (@Buffalojilll) March 16, 2019
If I send you a selfie and I'm in a clean house, it's not my house.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) March 17, 2019
It’s crazy how when I was a teenager I was so intimidated by other teenagers but now that I’m older and wiser I’m like whaaaat why am I still so intimidated by teenagers
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) March 21, 2019
Remember when we had Death Cab lyrics on our MySpaces and that was enough like that was it that was social media
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) March 19, 2019
ALL IN FAVOR OF CALLING A SINGLE SHEEP A SHOOP SAY AYE
— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) March 17, 2019
Beto O’Rourke has Big Youth Pastor Energy
— Claire Willett (@clairewillett) March 19, 2019
Imagine having your shit together enough to actually take things out of the freezer early enough that they have time to defrost.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 19, 2019