Even though the pandemic isn’t over and in the U.S. deaths are close to 200,000, the gears of capitalism grind on. Companies that were shutting down or offering hazard pay to essential workers are now throwing their doors open again to the reluctantly masked public. We’re seeing commercials that openly acknowledge coronavirus and it’s frankly unsettling. Also, inevitable.
While some places are trying to be tasteful about asking customers to come risk it all for their products, other companies are incapable of being tasteful because by their very nature they’re disgusting. I’m talking about Chuck E. Cheese, a place where exhausted parents bring their kids so they can run around, scream, touch all the same buttons with sticky hands, stuff themselves with dairy and bread, then pass out in the car on the way home. There aren’t many institutions as perfectly designed to become a petri dish as one of these restaurants, yet they’re reopening.
Podcaster Justin McElroy shared a video that looks like a TV being filmed featuring a new commercial for Chuck E. Cheese. In it, the franchise mascot, a big rat, turns the lights back on and lets the kids and the parents in:
The ad assures everyone that everybody will be exhibiting perfect mask usage inside the Chuck E. Cheese locations and everything will be getting regularly wiped down. Uh-huh. Sure.
Dear @ChuckECheese are you ACTUALLY SERIOUS WITH THIS pic.twitter.com/QBwmvip4kN
— Justin “Hoops” McElroy (@JustinMcElroy) September 12, 2020
The commercial is kind of funny for being so outrageous, but McElroy wasn’t amused:
The nation is eating itself alive trying to safely educate kids and @ChuckECheese just duck in like “Uhhhh … anybody wanna lick a skee-ball?”
— Justin “Hoops” McElroy (@JustinMcElroy) September 12, 2020
The most obvious joke is that a rat always spreads the plague, but a lot of people also just commented that even on its best day, a Chuck E. Cheese is one of the dirtiest places on earth:
JUST A RAT TRYING TO SPREAD THE PLAGUE https://t.co/4I6Gx9RK5V
— Joy (@joy_maderal) September 13, 2020
A good day is if it isn’t Chuck’s
— Justin “Hoops” McElroy (@JustinMcElroy) September 12, 2020
Chuck D. sease
— Frankie Matos 🎶 (@frankiematos109) September 12, 2020
*chanting* FUN. FUN. FUN. FUN.
— StellaeFons 🏳️🌈✨ (@StellaeFons) September 12, 2020
WHERE IS YOUR MASK, CHARLES?
— reptile dad jokes (@AmmonMiller) September 12, 2020
This is never going to end is it https://t.co/AejEmZP2tM pic.twitter.com/GZPQpzYvhL
— Ratlor (Bernie 2020) (@machineguneye) September 14, 2020
during a show a kid grabbed my hand and sneezed on it. so no❤️ https://t.co/CZ04WmoH7Z
— lil so so (@MonseCastaneda5) September 14, 2020
This is the most dystopian shit I’ve ever seen https://t.co/nDIXPYAOLS
— Josh Helfferich (@JoshHelfferich) September 14, 2020
I remember the one time that I went to a Chuck E. Cheese I saw a kid pissing on another kids leg https://t.co/OpTLW47mu8
— 🐓 (@birdarchist) September 14, 2020
A-plus dystopia we have here, really digging it. https://t.co/Ropxewi4cZ
— Sonny Bunch (@SonnyBunch) September 14, 2020
there wasn’t a time I went to Chuck E Cheese and didn’t come home with an ear infection. That place is GERMS, Mary https://t.co/MUJPyfPV8z
— Enzo (@EnzoLies) September 14, 2020
Oh capitalism is DEFINITELY killing us all huh? https://t.co/gMSmJa3KwO
— stephanie.mov🇵🇷 (@stephanieDOTmov) September 14, 2020
Once again, rats spread our diseases. https://t.co/rj7foryMcU pic.twitter.com/6PINbDMXma
— Yeenie #JusticeForGeorgeFloyd #BLM (@Yeenie_Mcbeenie) September 13, 2020
They reuse the pizza, what makes you think they are gonna care if Tyler gets corona https://t.co/EIUtk2ZvKw
— Brianna (@bnhend12) September 14, 2020
I’m sure there are parents who do not give a crap about how foul it is to take your kid to a place with a ball pit during a deadly epidemic, and that’s why these places should remain closed. The coronavirus doesn’t care that you desperately need to get out of the house. Just say no to Charles Entertainment Cheese and his arcade of disease.
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