Wedding registries can be helpful if you’re a couple who knows what they need. After all, if you want five green towels, just tell your guests. But guests are not required to get something off the registry — especially if they can’t afford anything you want.
One Redditor — at the bride’s request — created a truly special and one-of-a-kind art piece for the wedding that took tons of time and effort. So when the OP got called an a**hole by the bride for not additionally purchasing something from the registry, she started to seriously rethink this friendship.
“I (34F) have a friend who is getting married next month. A year ago, after the wedding was announced, the Bride (34F) pulled me aside and showed me a pattern for a I Corinthians 13 cross stitch sampler she said she wanted me to do to ‘commemorate the wedding.’ I agreed, despite knowing it would be a lot of work, and I would have to add to the pattern, because it didn’t have an area to put a date on it, which she wanted,” the OP writes.
“Cut to now, and it is finished. It is framed. It is 15″ by 25″ and I am glad I never have to look at this thing under a headlamp again.”
“Bride contacts me tonight, and says that she noticed I haven’t bought anything off the registry yet, and because she knows I’m on a very low income, I should hurry and get a gift before all the affordable ones are taken. I told her I wasn’t getting her anything off of the registry. That before framing the cost for materials for the cross stitch was around $75 and the framing was well over that, and that I can’t afford to buy her anything else off of her registry.”
“Bride then said that as a guest I’m required to bring a gift. I said I am bringing her a gift, and one that I worked very hard on, on linen with silk threads that she requested. She said that it didn’t count because she asked me to do it. I said that registries are basically the same thing, asking for specific things you want, and she called me an a*shole and hung up. So AITA for not buying a wedding gift from the registry?”
Nope! And maybe this ungrateful friend doesn’t deserve you in her life, either!
“NTA. That’s some next level entitlement,” said
“Firstly, nobody is truly obligated to bring you a gift. It’s a nice gesture, sure, but you invite people to your wedding because you want them to celebrate with you not as a cash grab. Secondly, unless the bride covered all of the costs for materials and also compensated OP for their time put into this project, this is probably the most heartfelt gift she is going to receive. OP is NTA, bride is being absolutely ridiculous. You should never ever contact somebody to ask them why they haven’t bought something off of your wedding registry, that is so insanely tacky. You especially don’t contact somebody and say ‘hey I know you’re poor so you better hurry up and grab one of the cheap gifts.’ And especially especially at not after they put in so many hours on needlework. Whether or not the bride requested that needlework to be done, the crafter deserves recognition for the time energy and resources that she put into this item. That is the gift. Bride is way out of line. I would not be calling the bride my ‘friend’ after this interaction,” explained
“A bridal registry is a convenience that stores hoping to sell stuff set up with brides hoping to get stuff. It is a borderline crass commercial arrangement behind a figleaf convention that this arms-length distance makes it less than a List of Demands. Your bride pushed deep deep into jaw-dropingly crass territory by sitting vulturelike in the top of the (metaphorical) fig tree waiting for expected tributes to drop off and croaking loudly for more. I’m sorry you can’t face the embroidery you have worked so long and hard on, you should keep it, get her drunk and have the verse tattooed on her forehead: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful,” said
“WOW. You are NTA, not at all. I’m speechless right now. The bride’s entitlement is insane. What you do is up to you, but I for sure wouldn’t feel guilted into buying something and I might actually reconsider the friendship. Does she always treat friends this way? Even asking for the cross stitch project was a BIG ask,” said
“NTA. You need to drop this friend immediately for two reasons. First this stitch sampler you made for her should be the only gift she wants from you. Second she knows you’re on a fixed income so she shouldn’t be signaling you to buy anything off of her registry. She called herself doing you a favor by letting you know that the affordable items on the registry are quickly running out but what she was really saying was that your financial situation won’t be an excuse for not buying something from her registry. She’s inconsiderate and entitled,” noted
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