I suppose the reason you see so many ‘I swear this isn’t what it looks like” moments in sitcoms and movies is because it happens so much in real life.
The answers are great and 100% what they look like:
I used to take my kids to different playgrounds as they were growing up. Often times I’d be out there with them, chasing them, being the random monster/dragon/antagonist while they run away and then eventually turn around and chase me back. Inevitably since the rest of the parents were on their iPhones or doing anything but interacting with their kids, I’d end up with a collection who wanted to join in the fun.
It was all going well until they said they wanted to play “Minecraft”
So as a group of kids suddenly scatter from where I am standing yelling “Ah! Run away from the Creeper! Ahhh!” I look up to see a line of parents suddenly jostled back into consciousness with absolutely no friggin context whatsoever.
This is one of my moms absolute favorite stories to tell:
My partner and I were in a kind of long distance relationship at this point (high schoolers living 40mins apart) and they would occasionally drive up after school to come see me
On this particular day my mom came home from work and was concerned with the lack of sound.
I hear her calling my name as she comes closer, she eventually gets to my closed bedroom door not wanting to see what I’m sure every parent would expect by this point
She swings it open and finds my partner and I
…..putting together our brand new Millennium Falcon (full size for action figures) that we had just purchased from Toys R us
My dog kept stepping on the pieces and messing things up in his dopiness so we closed the door
After that she never worried about us being alone.
Honestly think this might be the moment where my mom decided she wanted to adopt my partner.
Sometimes, I’m not sure who she loves more……. s/
Btw – My partner and I got married this year and we still have that Millennium Falcon
Edit: aww, thanks all! I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy
[Collage of the Falcon]
Took a few videos but have to wait to upload
1 https://imgur.com/gallery/imnn1M4 🔊
2 on its way
I used to work security/reception at my company, so I greeted everyone when they came in the door and made sure they were wearing their security badge. You could either wear your badge on a lanyard around your neck or on a retractable belt clip.
So I’ve been doing this job for like 2 years when I’m outside talking to some of the girls that work on the 2nd floor. One of them just flat out asks why I always check out women when they come in to visit.
Turns out, there was a lot of talk about how I was “looking women up and down” when they came through the door. Well, I was looking everyone up and down. I would look at their chest first and if there was no badge there, my eyes would move to their belt. It was kind of my job and stuff.
I work as a manager at a grocery store. Some cashiers aren’t old enough to scan alcohol so I have to do it for them. I made a comment to a female cashier after the 4th time she called me over. “I can’t wait until you’re 19.” Took me a few seconds to realize what I said, in front of customers.
More of a “this isnt what it sounds like”…
A family we were close to had just moved to the US from India. They had a young daughter, like 5 years old, who was still learning English. One day she fell down the stairs while playing outside. She ran in crying and saying “The stairs hit me!”… once she calmed down her dad corrected her and said “No no. You mean to say ‘I fell down the stairs’.”
A few days later my dad was showing them the grocery store. In the checkout line the cashier saw the girl’s bruised up legs and asked what happened. The daughter responded with “What did you tell me to say, dad? Oh right! I fell down the stairs.”
He had a fun time explaining that to the police.
My dad not me. Working construction in the dead of winter he gets back to the motel after pulling the night shift, he sits down on the bed and he is so frozen can’t bend down to take off his boots so his coworker who is a gigantic man gets down on his knees to undo my dad’s boots. The cleaning lady barges in to see a massive man on his knees and head down in front of another man who’s sitting on the edge of a bed. Now my father did what anyone would do threw his hands behind his head and moaned real loud.
My new neighbor told me about a house fire in his old neighborhood. It was fall, and he and his family were roasting marshmallows in their fireplace when they heard the firetruck siren. They ran outside and saw the emergency vehicles a few houses down in front of their neighbor’s house. They ran down the street toward the crowd. As they stood with the crowd watching the house burn they were getting nasty looks. It was then he realized they were still holding the roasting sticks with marshmallows on them.
EDIT: /u/JethroByte suggests my neighbor may have lied about the origin of this story. It’s certainly possible. Whether it involves my neighbor or not, it’s still a good story.
Anytime I open a can that isn’t cat food I have to explain to my cat that “this isn’t what it looks like.”
I was 16 and my parents just left the house for a dinner out. I had to do laundry so I start right after they left the door to get it done as early as possible.
As I’m filling the machine I notice a stain on my shirt and so I put it with the rest of the clothes. I also look at my pants and decide to add them as well along with my socks and…fuck it my underwear as well.
So I’m butt naked and I start the machine. I rush to the stairs to get to my room and dress up and that’s when the front door (which is right where the stairs are) opens and I freeze.
My dad comes in and sees me naked. We both arent moving a few second and then he laughs, grabs his wallet on the table and says : “So THAT’S what you are doing while we aren’t here?”. He then closes the door while giggling.
I’m there still in shock and red as a beet. I rush to dress and call my parents on my mother’s cellphone to tell them it’s not what they think as they are just laughing their asses off.
I went to my friend’s house last night (edit: not actually last night. I told this story before on Reddit and copy-pasted it without changing the time frame) and came back around 12:30am. To set some context, my friend lives about an hour away from me on the opposite side of the city. When I was driving back home afterwards, this car cut me off on the on ramp, and I honked at them. I then turned back up the music, and pretty much drove home on autopilot, but when I got off the freeway at my exit, I realized that the same car that cut me off was in front of me. After that, I got kind of curious, because it had been about 30 minutes since the incident, and we’d changed freeways twice already. I then got a little bit worried that they’d think I was following them home, but I didn’t think too much of it–until the car started going up the same side streets I did.
Eventually, I realized that my 16-year old neighbor who just learned how to drive cut me off, and she and her friends were probably now petrified that some lunatic was following them home. I guess she’d called her parents in the meantime because she pulled into her driveway and the house lights were all lit up, and her dad (a huge guy) was standing outside with a baseball bat. I then pulled into my own garage and apologized for scaring them and it was all chill after that.
Edit: everything was all good afterwards—we all laughed it off.
Went to a friend’s house and since it was an after party for a play, in high school, on a Friday, of course there was beer and we were all underage. I wasn’t drinking but a buddy of mine needed to go home so I dropped him off and headed back. As I got out of the car when I got back I noticed it was quiet but it’s a huuuge house (like 4-5k square feet) and I figured they were in the basement doing something quieter and I couldn’t hear them. Front door locked… OK I was just here 15 minutes ago, head to back door, unlocked. Awesome. Now the entire house was beeping as if someone was breaking in. Holy fuck that’s this house right here. OH FUCK THAT’S ME.
Run into basement, nobody there. Upstairs, nobody there. Kitchen, lights off. Start to hear the house phone ring but I don’t answer and I know it’s too late. Call friend, no answer. Call another friend, no answer. See beer cans everywhere so I clean them up and hide them, hid the brownies they had, checked around the house one more time for stuff and waited for my inevitable demise. Friends call me back as I’m outside freaking the hell out and they start to rush home.
Long story short the cops showed up with two dogs and guns pointed at me and I get slammed to the ground and handcuffed, friends arrived at home and explained situation just in time before I’m hauled off, they decided to run out to eat at the exact convenient time I left, never told me, and left the bank door unlocked with the house alarm armed. That was a hell of a night…
Edit: typing on mobile will correct minor things later.
Edit 2: Someone is saying they don’t believe me so here is the house that it happened at. I’ve left out identifying details of where this is located and who it is.
Edit 3: Removed picture, was already meh about putting it up but I think I proved my point to the doubt.
My wife and I used to hide money in her underwear drawer so our kids won’t be digging through it because they think it’s gross. One morning, I was getting dressed and wanted to get some money before I forget, so I was digging through her underwear when my 5-year old son saw me. He asked what I was doing and naturally, I can’t tell him that I needed money so I had to say something like that I was cleaning things up. Pretty sure he didn’t believe me and thought I was looking for a pair to wear.
Not mine but just heard this story last week from a buddy. At a ball game with his sister/brother in law and 4-5yo nephew. Brother in line for concessions, sister back at seats or whatever, little one needs to use restroom, they tell my buddy no problem just head in with the kid he knows the drill. The kid, like many do, starts to kind of strip down before going to the bathroom starts asking inquisitive questions about why there are so many people in bathroom, why are things the way they are in that restroom, but finally culminating with the now practically naked little kid asking him in a crowded public restroom, “but where is my family?”
Also more of a “this isn’t what it sounds like”…
I was a weird person in high school, and my friends were equally weird. We had no boundaries.
My friend and I were walking to class, and were discussing the Jackass clip where they had a gas mask and tube assembly where one person wore the mask and the other farted into the tube. We thought this sounded like a pretty cool idea and were considering trying this out..
As we walked around the corner, I said to him, “I’ll suck yours if you’d suck mine”. Que the hot girl conveniently rounding the corner at that precise moment…
When I was in middle school we were roller skating and I couldn’t stop so I lifted my hands to not hit this girl in front of me. Of course I’m like “ahhhhhhhh” as I’m about to run into her and because of this she turns around right as I’m about to hit her and both my hands cup her boobs.
The teacher was like “Ron what the hell are you doing?!”
Oh man. Sitting at a traffic light when I was eighteen. Wanted to get something out of my pocket (chapstick I think). I was wearing jeans that, when sitting, might as well have locked pockets. I keep my eyes forward so I can see if the light turns green, while I dig into my pocket. Have to kind of thrust my hips upwards and move a bit to reach my hand fully into my jeans. During my gyrating pocket quest I make eye contact with a girl crossing the crosswalk (I’m a guy). A look of horror crosses her face and she says something to her friend. The other girl gives me a disgusted look as well and they hurry across the crosswalk. I’m sure it looked bad from their perspective.
This is light-hearted.
I was like 13 channel surfing. I’m flowing through the crap channels. Exaclty as my dad walks in the back door with my little brother, I flip past a shopping network that is showing bras on live models. I must have been on that channel for .8 seconds. It was so ridiculously timed, that it looked like I had the show on and changed it right after he came in. He gave me shit for it and wouldn’t believe me.
When I was about 13, I was hanging out with my 8 year old cousin in his bedroom. My cousin gets all excited and says “Look at this trick Spot can do!” and he gets on all fours. The dog immediately mounts him and starts going to town. It’s clear he doesn’t understand what the dog is actually doing, he just thinks its a cool trick. Just then my dad walks by the bedroom and looks in, sees me watching my cousin get railed by his dog, and just shakes his head and walks away.
I pulled an all-nighter once, came home after work, and sat down at the computer to check some emails. I was barely able to comprehend the words on the screen I was so tired. I reached into my gym shorts to scratch my balls, and I guess i just passed out within the next few seconds. I was discovered passed out in the computer chair with my hand down the front of my shorts.
Technically my mom’s.
My eldest cousin was a little shit. She was with my mom (her aunt) at the grocery store. She was around 5. My mom told her she could pick a treat, she said she wanted a candy and an ice cream. Mom said no, she had to pick 1.
So my cousin says to the cashier ‘shes not my mother!’ and the cashier freaks out thinking cousins been kidnapped or something. Mom had to explain that she’s her aunt. I think they ended up having to call my aunt, cousins mom, to explain the situation. This was back in like ’85. My mom’s still annoyed.
My brother and I got into a fist fight(he was right, I was wrong) and he punched me in the mouth. I was bleeding pretty good and kept spitting blood on him for some reason. He went into the condo(vacation) and my mom freaked out because he had blood all over him. It went a little like this Mom – OMG YOU’RE COVERED IN BLOOD Brother – calm down it isn’t my blood Mom – OMFG WHOSE BLOOD IS IT WHAT DID YOU DO?!?! Brother – Mom It’s fine it’s just Tyler’s(me) blood Mom – OMFG DID YOU FUCKING KILL HIM?!?! WHERE IS TYLER?!?!? I walked in shortly after alive and well. The dispute between my brother and I was settled btw.
The girl I was dating during sophomore year of college and I were both organ majors, preparing for an upcoming duet.
During the summer, it was so warm in the church where we practiced (no air conditioning, and the organ installed up high in the rear where it was extra hot) that she and I played in our underwear, with just a small fan to move the air.
We were shocked when we heard the locked door open, and saw the pastor enter the church. He glanced at us, playing the organ in next-to-nothing, but quickly left and locked the door behind him.
Later he told me at first he did a double-take, but then realized we were doing the smart thing – and that in his seminary days, he would’ve done likewise.
Was sitting and watching TV, neighbors came over to visit with their kids. Their daughter runs over, inexplicably sits in my lap and bounces up and down several times before I can stand up.
The remote was in my lap. Kid says “What’s that hard thing?” and stands up quickly. A little shaken, I also stand up, the remote falls off my lap and lands on the floor, and as I lean down to pick it up, I take a step forward and I kick it under the coffee table. Turn to explain myself, notice I’m wearing pants that bunch up in the crotch Larry David style.
“Yeah? Well now your back is gonna hurt, because you just pulled LANDSCAPING DUTY!”
I don’t know why my mind went to your friend tackling his mother when you said he ”intercepted” her
I put my dad in this situation when I was a kid. Probably around 10 years old or so.
For context, my dad rarely drank in front of us growing up but would occasionally have a beer. As parents often do, he would have me go get it for him if we were in the same room. I was a lazy kid and didn’t want to miss whatever we were watching on TV so I often found this to be an annoyance but pretty minor in the grand scheme of things.
So one day he’s chatting with a couple coworkers and I’m there. They were joking around about something and he turns to me and asks “You like me, right?” I answer back “Yeah except for when you drink beer”.
Adult me face palms every time I think about that. My dad is awesome.
My boyfriend and I were jumping on the trampoline together years ago, just bouncing around like a couple of kids, laughing our butts off. It was fun! He accidentally butt dialed his parents, who speakerphoned our laughing, creaking springs, and gasping to a car load of people. They were all mortified. We were able to set it straight later, but OOF. Sorry mom and dad.
Alright, as a student, when I visited my hometown I got to visit my grandma before leaving back to university and grandma always had small chocolates for people visiting her. Her grandchildren would get more than one usually. As I was leaving the house she gave me one more to have it during the travel back home.
I ate a piece of chocolate while loading my stuff in the car and I put the small chocolate in my back pocket, right before I say goodbye to my parents. It was a hot day at the end of summer.
A bit before the exit to the highway I was taking, I stopped at a traffic light and realized that the chocolate between my butt and my car seat was not a good idea, so I’m reaching for it. Chocolate already melted and package already open made my left hand full of melted chocolate.
Following the loud “well, shit”, I realize that the girl in the car next to me just saw a guy reaching his butt and bringing his hand up again full of a brown unknown sticky thing.
The look on her face was totally worth it. Only bad thing is that melted chocolate won’t go away only with tissues.
My friend and I were sitting at lunch bitching about this Chris guy who was in our class and who was an absolute twat. Really not a nice human being. At one point I turned around and saw another Chris, an absolute sweetheart, sitting nearby looking absolutely crushed. Took 5 minutes to convince him that we were not talking about him. I felt so bad though.