Some tweets are funny, funny.
I prefer tweets that are true, funny.
Relatable.
Almost personal attacks on everything I stand for.
These are those tweets.
1.
2.
I am a:
⚪️ Man
⚪️ Woman
🔘 Dumb bitch
Looking for:
⚪️ Women
⚪️ Men
🔘 My keys that i had 2 seconds ago
— Adrianna 🍒👽 (@aydreezyy) February 12, 2019
3.
4.
Damn hitting a bong uses all four elements
— ko (@k0mikazi) November 16, 2018
5.
is my baby fat ever gonna leave or did it just turn into fat fat?
— queen quen (@quenblackwell) February 21, 2019
6.
your airport outfit is very important I don’t care what anyone says
— Shafeeq (@Y2SHAF) February 21, 2019
7.
when u drop ur charger down the side of the bed in the dark pic.twitter.com/BzBYYc5aGV
— Ruby ♡ Røse (@rubexcubex) February 18, 2019
8.
Getting touched during heads up seven up was the last time i felt something
— jp (@excesstential) February 20, 2019
9.
https://twitter.com/softedhearts/status/1097392067028897792
10.
Does anyone actually know what you're suppose to do when people are singing happy birthday to you
— Kyle (@kkunta__) February 18, 2019
11.
everytime the law & order theme song comes on pic.twitter.com/2Lg5fVrsUE
— Meech (@DemetriusHarmon) February 19, 2019
12.
what if u spelled jeff like jephph
— Stop The Sweeps ATX (@stop_sweeps_atx) March 31, 2018
13.
what if u cracked ur knuckles and ur fingers started to glow like glow sticks
— Shóna (@shona_kelly_) November 28, 2018
14.
do u ever wanna take a nap but the nap doesn’t wanna take u
— 🥀neyda🥀 (@wolfyneyda) April 6, 2018
15.
THIS ONE pic.twitter.com/kohxQsQXiX
— 𝒥𝒶𝓌𝓁𝑒𝑒𝓎𝓊𝒽 (@gothmoth69) December 18, 2019
16.
Remember how in EASY A Emma Stone's parents were Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson and all anyone wanted was a saucy bedroom romp about THEM or maybe that was just me?
— your friend, Dracula (@Remember_Sarah) February 14, 2019
17.
Today’s tea:
) ) )
) ( ) )
_(___(____)____(___(__ _
you don’t hate /
Nickelback / |
you just do /____|
as your /
told /
___________/— Edgar Momplaisir (@edgarmomplaisir) February 13, 2019
18.
I feel like a lot of people are 23 for many many years and then suddenly they are 30 does this make sense?
— Rachel Wenitsky (@RachelWenitsky) February 13, 2019
19.
https://twitter.com/gaddy_alex/status/1095078912365903878
20.
Me showing my therapist my inner demons for the first time. pic.twitter.com/x34BA2cvBF
— Thatguy Chris D (@thatguyCD) February 6, 2019
21.
bitches take their laptops and notebooks to coffee shops and get no work done while acting like they’re in an indie movie. i’m bitches.
— sayna .*ೃ (@OCEANGlRL) February 11, 2019
22.
i just read something like 'hey you know how long 2018 has been? we had an olympics this year and everybody forgot about it.'
and i just stared off into the distance like
— Premee Mohamed (@premeesaurus) November 25, 2018
23.
YOU MISSPELLED ONE WORD ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND HERE COME AKEELAH AND THE BEE
— Torrence De los Santos (@Istrutt_) February 9, 2019
24.
Anxiety is just spicy thoughts
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) October 18, 2018
25.
https://twitter.com/aIecrl/status/1093370235191648256
26.
One time at a party sophomore year I asked a guy if I could hit his vape and he said “this is my insulin pen, I have diabetes” and I think about it everyday
— Anna Fox (@AnnaMichelleFox) October 1, 2018
27.
why did US schools teach us how to square dance in the fourth grade what was the reason
— jihyos world (@touroflove) November 17, 2018
28.
Adulthood is just saying “if I can just get through this week” over and over again until you die.
— Amy Who? (@amywhodigital) February 6, 2019
29.
my conversations w literally anyone:
⚪️
🔵
🔵
🔵
🔵
🔵
⚪️
⚪️
🔵
🔵
🔵
🔵
🔵
🔵
⚪️— kylie (stufful luvr) (@urdadkylie) February 5, 2019
30.
I'm a huge fan of that post-laundry feeling when you've got all your A-list clothes back in the game
— Kyle (@kkunta__) February 3, 2019
31.
how did chucky manage to murder so many people??? just pick him up and yeet him in the bin. he's a doll
— allie 🕷 (@thholyghost) October 16, 2018
32.
The “Netflix and chill” phrase was created when Netflix was trash. Now tho? You betta get the hell off me! This Netflix exclusive starting to heat up!
— GoHomeRoger (@Go__homeroger) January 27, 2019
33.
Mom: “Come help me get the groceries out of the car”
Me: pic.twitter.com/kR5yvvMqU7
— 𝐦𝐜𝐦𝐱𝐜𝐯_𝐢 🌙✨ (@anesuishec) January 14, 2019
34.
— Alex Russo’s Daddy Voted BIDEN (@SadSiren_) December 19, 2019
35.
TIERS OF FRIENDSHIP
4- we hang out
3- we can travel together
2- I would take a bullet for you
1- I will speak to you on phone— emery lord (@emerylord) March 20, 2017
36.
I’m just a girl
Sitting in front of a computer
Holding a phone
Which is open to the same website as the computer I’m sitting in front of.
— Allison Tolman (@Allison_Tolman) May 24, 2018
37.
It's okay password, I'm insecure too.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 20, 2014
38.
Are we all ready to admit that "don't tell ANYONE" means you can tell exactly one person
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) January 9, 2016
39.
does anyone remember when lol meant “laughing out loud” instead of “this is to indicate that this brief text isnt hostile”
— common sad girl (@sadgirlkms) February 19, 2018
40.
I've been hitting "remind me tomorrow" on a computer update for the last 68 years.
— summer goth 🦇 (@NicCageMatch) July 26, 2018
41.
why didn’t anyone tell me that your perpetual state of existence after the age of 27 is just “tired”
— Kristin Harris (@KristinHarris) July 24, 2018