There are funny women on Twitter.
They write funny tweets.
We find the best of those tweets.
We share them with you.
That is the deal.
EVERY WOMAN IN MY LIFE: juggling 3 jobs, does yoga, cooks, goes to therapy, remembers everyone's birthday
THEIR BOYFRIENDS: once almost made a dinner reservation but turns out the place was closed
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) April 17, 2019
I now understand why retired people eat dinner so early.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) March 26, 2020
Me in 2019: If I could just have like a week with nothing to do and nowhere to go I could finally get this house clean and organized.
Me now: Nope, that wasn't the problem….
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) March 24, 2020
me during morning shift: ay who the FUCK closed last night
me closing at night: this looks like a problem for the opener
— Neek (@babyltaly) April 18, 2019
A REAL CONVERSATION I HEARD BETWEEN TWO GROWN MEN AT TIRES PLUS:
Man #1: *getting ready to pay* Is it a swipey swipe
Man #2: No it’s a chippy chip
— Madison (@madisonbosil) April 21, 2019
This is, and I cannot stress this enough, a dentist’s office pic.twitter.com/TXnB891Dvl
— Jill Twiss (@jilltwiss) April 22, 2019
I went to lunch with friends and saw my husband at the restaurant. I was going to say his name but he was staring at his phone so I watched him.
He was smiling.
Then my phone dinged. And it was a video he forwarded of a dog wrestling a water hose. This is love.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 24, 2019
Might fuck around and do a line of pollen
— Steph (@stEPH_u_) April 25, 2019
me walking into the same coffee shop every day to get my same order of iced coffee from the same employees who see me 7 times a week https://t.co/Qy1OQgChtQ
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) April 20, 2019
I’m rly afraid I’m going to learn something about myself during this
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) March 21, 2020
My dad: when was the last time u checked ur oil
— madi brews (@madicrews8) April 3, 2019
going to rock bottom do you guys need anything
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) April 22, 2019