You’ve probably heard that “kids say the darndest things,” or at least remember the show of the same name (and are now awkwardly remembering it was hosted by Bill C*sby). Anyway, it’s true.
Kids have no filter, no concept of tact, and very small brains that can occasionally churn out some weird, creative, and brutally honest burns. Sometimes strangers find themselves on the receiving end of a spicy toddler burn, but usually it’s parents who get roasted. Here are some of the funniest, harshest, no-filter things kids have (allegedly) said to their moms and dads.
4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?
Wife: I got this for Mother's Day.
4: You're only a mom because of me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 13, 2017
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it's 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*
— Social DistTIMsing (@Playing_Dad) January 3, 2016
— Brian Sack (@brian_sack) October 5, 2015
dad: "come on, you guys are LATE!!!!"
11yo: "you should have started YELLING at us earlier!"
— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) June 30, 2016
Me:"Sweetie, what do you say when you do something wrong?"
4yo: "I didn't do that!"
— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) April 4, 2016
3yo: “You need to get your cuddles from someone else I am REALLY busy and you’ve already had enough”
I didn’t birth you for such rejection
— Leena (@LeenaVanD) November 24, 2016
Me: I think I ate too much.
4yo: Yeah, but not just today.
— Aaron Aryanpur (@aaroncomedian) November 26, 2016
10: Mom what's a metaphor?
Me: My life is a train wreck.
10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?
— Sardonic Tart (@SardonicTart) December 12, 2014
6YR OLD: does it hurt, daddy?
ME: [with a tissue up my nose to stop the bleeding] yes
6: good…that'll teach you not to eat my ice cream
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) August 17, 2016