9: I have a math test today.
Me: Are you ready for it?
9: More like is it ready for me?
Me: Awesome! I bet you’ll get an A.
9: Probably not. I haven’t studied at all.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 15, 2018
I was playing outside with my kids and I tried to jump over something because I forgot I’m 40 anyways who wants to sign my cast?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 11, 2018
8: I wish you could homeschool me
Me: Aww, how sweet, you’d really want me to be your teach-
8: That way like instead of doing work, I could just play baseball in the backyard and you could clean and stuff.
Me: Ah look, the bus.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 22, 2018
TODDLER: *spitting out mouthful of grapes and scrambled eggs he's been chewing for five minutes* MINE! Don't eat it!
ME: We're good.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 8, 2018
Me, at dinner: “Who wants another helping?”
7y.o, *whispers*: “None of this dinner is helping me.”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 8, 2018
my son's awfully confident for someone who's thrice tried eating potpourri thinking it was a fancy snack
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) October 31, 2018
Email from the PTA tells me if I don’t join, I “will not be allowed inside the school to assist with the children’s class parties” & it’s like whoa whoa whoa threaten me harder.
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) November 30, 2018
Me: “You guys treat me like I’m some waitress.”
Son, whispering to daughter: “Well, there goes her tip.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 26, 2018
Things drunk me has in common with my toddler:
– can’t drive
– doesn’t know what day it is
– refuses to put on pants
– won’t shut up about dinosaurs
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 26, 2018