So glad my kids have the day off tomorrow because I really miss hearing arguing between the hours of 8am to 3pm.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 12, 2018
Me: I’m only going to ask you to clean this mess up ONE more time.
6-year-old: That’s good. I was tired of hearing you ask.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 6, 2018
3-year-old: *face covered in frosting*
Me: Were you eating cake?
3: No. I just kissed it.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2018
I’m not saying one of my kids is “more difficult” than the others, but so far my oldest wants a remote control car for Christmas, the youngest wants a stuffed unicorn, and the middle one has requested a dinosaur egg so he can raise and train his own velociraptor from birth.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 28, 2018
me: i love you
son: i love popsicles
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 12, 2018
Tonight, my four year old called us into the room so we could all hold hands. Then he told us he was the leader.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) October 18, 2018
Baby: *tries to eat a piece of a leaf*
Me: "No no, don't eat that."
Baby: *Looks at me, looks at leaf, looks at me, looks back at leaf*
Me: "Don't do it…"
Baby: *salivating at the fallen leaf like I do at a donut, then shoves entire leaf in mouth*
Me: *clocks out*
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) October 11, 2018
Me: how was your day?
Me (to myself): have I been saying it wrong?
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 30, 2018
[Son's 1st day of school]
Me: Did you make any friends today?
Me: *kneels down next to him* how do you do that?
— The Dad (@thedad) October 22, 2018
Me: (looking at daughter's craft) you didn't put my name down as one of the people you've thankful for.
6: I, um, ran out of room.
Me: oh. That's cool.
6: I wanted to write Netflix. And you'd have been right after that.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) October 4, 2018
Friend: For an hour of free babysitting, would you-
Friend: I haven't explained wh-
Me: [pulls out of the garage]
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 30, 2018